The Story Of Us
by Merthur Dreamer
Summary: 'You can live your whole life, not realising that what you're looking for, is right in front of you.'
1. The Way You Look At Me

**Howdy... Again :)**

**So, I thought, while living and all... that I'd start a Fanfiction based on many aspects... Mainly my life :P Because I'm that cool... But I'll include songs as well, for titles. So I disclaim owning them, and Merlin, unfortunately. This story will also contain MANY references to 'One Day' by David Nicholls. So... have fun. **

**The Story Of Us **

**Chapter 1 – The Way You Look At Me**

**Friday 5****th**** September 2003**

The rain was falling upon the crying window as Merlin looked out into the heart of the world through the aging glass that held years of yearning. Outside was dull with water, as if the world was weeping. He had a vague, and by that a very clear vision of what would happen these next school years: hard-work, boredom and annoying teenagers who think their problems are dire. It was pointless anyway, going to school just on a Friday so the younger years can 'settle in'.

Merlin always wished that his life could be something more; he knew he was only eighteen but at eighteen you start to think if this is really it... Would he ever pass through school? Would he ever be able to control his magic? Would anyone rescue him?

He didn't believe he was ready for the day; this paranoid pain coming back again as he moved his eyes heavily to the picture of his fifteen year old self his mother had insisted on keeping because he looked 'cute'...

Oh how he hated his face. He wished that he could just get a pencil and rub his face out, start again, maybe that would work; create a face that didn't scream disappointment and a failure waiting to happen.

He returned to looking outside his window, finding people walking past, some in a hurry, some just relaxed and content...These people all outside, behind the window's silver line, they had all their lies; just like Merlin. But he could break these chains. Hopefully. It was so much effort though, having to contain who he was when he could just fly away, and with any luck he could... but unfortunately, it was a definite, maybe, for the time being. Of course, he wondered what it would be like if everyone had magic, of course he did. Not in the 'I'm such a freak' longing way... but in that sort of curiousity one gets when thinking alone. He wondered if life would be any different and came to the conclusion that it would indeed – he wouldn't be special and 'being himself' wouldn't be true anymore. But still, he did think it would be nice if he could do something without fear of being discovered or having to explain himself desperately after a vase broke or after there was a bright azure light.

And he did hope, oh how he did, with such a vehement promise to himself that when the wind blew, blew with such a breeze that someone would get goose bumps or be forced to remember a passed loved one and cry silently – he would go, and he would release himself from the liability of living here. He could think of brighter days, when he was young and didn't fully understand everything going on about him and his magic and life in general. They were golden in a way, because although he knew nothing of heartbreak or sadness, of love or yearning, he was free – and that is what he craved so dearly now. He laughed to himself with a slight smile as if hiding something, scared to show his straight teeth even in private, the type of laugh one does when faced with an improbable predicament. Words were never this grey, and he wondered when he had been all the 'selves': self-righteous, self-loathing... and yet never self-confident.

He'd walk the path, and deal justice to all the guilty ones in his life someday, prices would be paid and there might be screams of pain or sighs of joy, he hadn't decided yet. But even if he could, he was too young to decide if that's what he wanted. He didn't know anymore, about life, or the entrapment his magic gave him... or of his best friend, and he didn't know how to know. Merlin grimaced then, wondering when it was exactly he had chosen to fall for his best friend... or even if he had a choice in the first place.

He was afraid, afraid that even after all this time and growing up together – that the one person he truly cared for might throw all this back in his face and tell him that he was a monster... Merlin believed and knew he couldn't handle that.

He pined for when times change, so one day he may forget everyone and fly in the sky, free.

That's what he'd do: he'd fly away one day. Merlin liked to think that he follows the night in a way, never truly revealing all his secrets and always in one way or another hiding. He couldn't stand the light of day, how it brought such clarity and it was now he realised that it made him feel vulnerable.

And it was now... that he looked to the fat, grey water droplets sliding, weeping down the fragile window, and questioned when his life would begin. When would Merlin probably 'live' life? One day... One day he would fly away, he thought to himself, confirming his previous notions, and leave all of this to yesterday.

What more could his best friend's love do for him? He was trapped within the knowledge that they had both constructed such an amazing bond between them, even now, despite the rain, he smiled to himself thinking of their funny days and happy days and now if one looked, they'd find that Merlin was indeed showing a goofy, toothy grin now. His body was filled with sudden warmth, pulsed from the left side of his chest, but he was still somewhat sad. He wondered when love would be through with him, because it was most distracting when your best friend is talking and making surprisingly sweet remarks when you're wondering if they'd mind you kissing them... or at least giving a more than tender hug. Merlin then smacked himself mentally to pull himself from those dangerous thoughts. But why live life from dream to dream... Yes, it was all well and nice to believe that they could be together one day... but what were the chances of it ever happening? Merlin was dirt poor compared to someone of his friend's background and wealth. They had their own estate and he even had a title for god's sake, plus the fact that they are both men... it was as if Merlin and his friend couldn't have more to separate them...

Why live life from dream to dream? Then dread the day when dreaming ends...

He let the abandoned pen slip through his fingertips as a silent tear fell from his high cheekbones from an almost expressionless face, tight with not wanting to break... and decided that when sad, trying to write a poem about it didn't help the matter.

...

He trudged through the rain as he started to clear, the moaning clouds breaking as the beautiful sun shone its brilliance as if an amber diamond suspended on a grey satin. He looked forward, and he grinned to himself once more, as he looked to find a most handsome face, beaming towards him to reveal slightly crocked teeth; that he had waited for him, despite his ten minutes being late...

Arthur Pendragon, his best friend, though he'd be the last to admit it. Out loud at least. Or maybe that was just how Merlin felt sometimes.

Arthur Pendragon, he thought to himself. Merlin peered up at him through what he had of a fringe despite them being the same height. With his open sky-blue sapphire eyes sparkling with plump lips, a shade of crimson and full; sun-kissed skin and golden silk for hair, the dawning light warming the right side of his face – Arthur Pendragon had a knack for looking perpetually posed for a photograph. Merlin Emrys thought 'handsome' a silly, nineteenth-century word, but there really was no other word for it, except perhaps 'beautiful'. He had one of those faces where you were aware of bones beneath the skin, as if even his bare skull would be attractive. A straight nose, slightly shiny with water, and bulging pectorals and biceps, combined with a most mouth-watering set of abs and stomach muscles, even for an eighteen year old, could be seen due to the water sticking his skin to his shirt. _'Handsome'! Who do you think you are? Jane Eyre? Grow up. Be sensible. Don't get carried away. _But Merlin's heart and head stood firm with the knowledge that... yes, Arthur Pendragon was indeed 'handsome' and even 'beautiful' when put in the right light.

'Howdy Em' Arthur joked with that radiate, teasing smile and Merlin thought that maybe love was a bad idea for the world, for it hurt a bit too much. But Merlin loved it when Arthur called him 'Em', he found the need to call Merlin as such from finding out his surname when they were younger and decided that Merlin actually had a lot of 'Ems'. So, whenever Arthur called him by this... Merlin felt as if their relationship was all the more personal, as if they got closer somehow.

'Hello Yourself Arty' he bantered back, and looked almost self-conscious. He thought he wasn't the greatest to look at compared to an Adonis like Arthur. Merlin had bright ocean-blue eyes with midnight black hair that set his high cheekbones and snow like skin in such stunning contrast. His lips were a shade too dark he thought, a deep pink, with a slight dimple in the middle of his upper lip, however both were slightly dry and chapped despite the rain, or maybe because of it. He had no such obvious muscle as Arthur; however he did possess some hidden potential. He was skinny and didn't have such broad shoulders as Arthur, but he did win in flexibility.

He and Arthur had been friends for a long time now; Merlin couldn't even remember his life without him. Most of the time they could be seen playfully arguing but recently things suddenly got more serious.

'You're late. What took you so long?' Although Arthur's words may seem slightly demanding at first glance, he was smiling with a cheek he almost always possessed with Merlin, and usually it was the other way round.

'I was thinking...' He couldn't lie to Arthur, but then again, he couldn't tell him the truth... Or was that lying?

'You shouldn't do that Merlin, we know how bad it is for you, and you made us late'

'It wasn't my fault'

Arthur stopped here, and looked into Merlin's eyes, as if he was calculating something, observing even. His playful features fell and were replaced with what was so similar to affection and deep concern.

'Are you alright Merlin?' He felt the intense gaze of Arthur in his eyes and it was as if Arthur was searching for something. But what really caught Merlin off guard was how Arthur then stepped slowly closer and placed a hand upon his right shoulder, the contact gentle and some may say 'tender'.

'Merlin?' He felt as if he was being interrogated sweetly. Merlin started to absentmindedly play with his fingers, looking down for a moment and trying to will the urge to pull Arthur into a hug... The power of Arthur's hand upon his shoulder such a blissful weight. But instead of telling Arthur the whole truth, after Arthur stepped closer towards him still, until they were practically flush against each other, Merlin panicked, the overwhelming closeness and his feelings mixing to form such a warmth and shaking euphoria.

'I'm fine Arthur, why would I be any different?' Merlin didn't realise how his breath hitched.

Arthur paused then, as if thinking of what to say next... as if it would change them in a way.

'Well' He started 'You _can_ be a hormonal girl sometimes, Em'

With a slight chuckle to himself after having Merlin pout somewhat with an adorable, childish frown, Arthur took it upon himself to punch Merlin playfully in the arm and start their walk to school along roads that were grey with bitumen but made up for it with chocolate trees that showered emerald leaves, so vivid one might believe that an oak truly could be an evergreen, or had been imported from an enchanted forest.

Merlin was distracted however, for the warmth and pressure on his arm had not yet subsided... and it took him a moment to catch his breath. It was as if he was walking on a river of ice: felt relatively safe most of the time, and yet there was this constant threat of the ground beneath his feet about to crack like broken glass. He made himself sigh the tension out of his chest, tried to control the ache in his heart, and strode on to catch up to Arthur.

Merlin decided the rest of his life was not going to be fun...

And yet he missed it, Merlin spoke of love and romance, yet was so caught up in his feelings that he missed the way in which Arthur's eyes had glinted something more, possibly, and the way that when Arthur spoke to him, it was with such intensity, always, as if Merlin was the only person he could see.

**This story will probably be about... 9-10 chapters? Maybe... so yeah, let me know what you think, whether you think its good or TOTALLY TERRIBLE!**


	2. I'm Yours

**Howdy... Again :)**

**So, I thought, while living and all... that I'd start a Fanfiction based on many aspects... Mainly my life :P Because I'm that cool... But I'll include songs as well, for titles. So I disclaim owning them, and Merlin, unfortunately. Again, lots of 'One Day' in this :P**

**The Story Of Us **

**Chapter 2 – I'm Yours**

**Friday 12****th**** September 2003**

Merlin was just, you know, casually lying on the grass in the field by the school with his eyes closed, letting the damp, humid air of September breeze past him. The place where Merlin got his education was one of those places were one feels their ignorance and foolishness. He'd say think of a modern setting for Hogwarts, but then castles and wizards and Harry Potter would spring to mind. Oh no. It wasn't that at all. It was... okay; think of a modern Pemberley, Chatsworth House... No wait; that was Arthur's house. Arthur lived at Chatsworth House. Now that the blonde was caught in Merlin's thoughts... there was no escape.

Merlin groaned in what was almost fury, it was endearing but slightly painful now to have the blonde so easily make him light-headed and think about him all the time. No matter what Merlin was doing, whether it was feeding his talking gecko, Kilgharrah, or just lazing round in a vast field filled with wildflowers and horses... Arthur also managed to surprise Merlin with his mental presence. What was wrong with him? Surly having Arthur occupy so much of his mind was unhealthy to some sort of extent? Or was Merlin what an author called 'obsessed'? Merlin didn't like the thought of being obsessed... made him sound like he couldn't control himself or like a spoilt child maybe... but what else would he call it? It was like Merlin couldn't breathe without having Arthur nearby or in his thoughts, and to be quite honest, having that much dependability on one person, especially Arthur, who was wild and such a bloody prat sometimes, scared him to his core like frost gradually covers a grass blade.

As much as he loved Arthur, he wasn't the most reliable person... And what Merlin thought he meant by this is that, although you could count on Arthur in a fight (he's beaten several people up for Merlin, though he didn't ask him to do this, and it made the sediment all the sweeter when Arthur said that the only person who could tease Merlin was in fact himself) but... Arthur could be silly sometimes: maybe drinking a bit too much at parties, accidentally flirting, or saying the wrong thing. In his defence, Arthur had got more sensitive recently, but there was still that air of Arthur reluctant to discuss... 'heart topics'.

So, casually lying on the grass after school on a Friday with his eyes closed, letting the damp, humid air of September breeze past him, he was most surprised to find that a shadow, steadfast in blocking the passionate sun, had found its way in front of him.

Who was it? Merlin thought of peeking open an eye to view his intruder upon his peace but... he already knew who it was.

'Content with being alone, Em?'

Arthur.

Arthur's slightly raspy voice echoed in the wind, silently so.

Merlin opened his right eye to look at Arthur with a slight smile on his face, prepared to make a most witty remark about maybe Arthur's own need to have a girlfriend he doesn't love... Merlin was stunned with chemical reactions and his heart decided it wanted to stop and stare at Arthur. The sun was casting a slight shadow on Arthur, so his hair seemed to be darker than it was and the angle Merlin was lying at made it seem he was wearing a halo almost, the golden rays shining around Arthur, encompassing him in an ethereal light, companied by his eyes that also seemed to be glowing... Merlin realised he was breathing at a most silly pace, as if he had been running.

Arthur just smiled at Merlin, sitting down next to him, putting his shoulder bag to the side and sliding his right arm to the side, leaning on his elbow so he was looking down on Merlin from above.

Of course, the sudden close quarters made Merlin want to lean away, put his body was resistant to such panicking.

'What are you doing here?' Merlin hoped he didn't sound accusing.

Arthur just smiled as if he thought of a joke from earlier.

'Well, I couldn't leave you alone could I? Besides, Vivian's going to her dad's house this weekend, so I thought I'd find the next best thing.'

The comment, despite its jesting and possibly fond nature, stung as if scissors were trying to crave a tear within Merlin's heart. So did that mean Arthur wouldn't be here otherwise?

'I was relaxing before you got here.' Was Merlin snapping? Arthur just looked indifferent.

'May I join you then? Or would you have me leave?' Arthur was making no attempt or movement about getting up.

Merlin peered at him through his eyes and tried to hate him.

'I suppose you could stay.' Merlin realised that the hands behind his head were tense.

So, with a smug-arse smirk and Merlin wanting to punch his perfect face, then to probably nurse him and apologise profusely, Arthur kept looking at Merlin, but now his face were slightly... pouting? As he realised something.

'Your cheekbones are kicking right off' and he made to put his hand on one of them, but stopped, as if thinking that was too much.

'Are they?'

'Oh Yeah'

'You liking them?' Was that flirting? Were they flirting?

Arthur paused now, and his bottom lip quivered a bit as if trying to hold some laughter.

'Yes'

_What do you say to that? Thank you? I like yours too? Shut up? Blush?_

Merlin tried to think of a time when he wasn't at Arthur's mercy, and actually found he was quite irritated when he couldn't. What was it about Arthur that made him want to right-hook him and then kiss the bruise?

Merlin was melting, and he wasn't sure whether it was because of the sun or because Arthur was almost pressing into his side... he went for the first one, meant he didn't have to think about it.

Merlin felt like he had went right through the cracks, and try as he might to get back, Arthur was always there with a surprising remark or smug statement.

Merlin decided to go for a not-to-suggestive-but-still-appreciating comment:

Merlin smiled.

Then at this, Arthur decided to go for a most adoring and endearing beam of radiate teeth, his eyes sparkling, his lips plump with happiness... and Merlin knew that no matter what: he'd always be Arthur's.

It was now that he thought of something he saw in a film, or was it a book? And he wondered if he should kiss Arthur now? Or at least say something? Something heartfelt? Or would that be dangerous? Merlin stopped the thoughts instantly; Arthur would probably hit him then runaway. Why did Merlin always have to hesitant?

Then Merlin surprised himself with something very strange.

'How do you feel about Vivian?' Broken glass 'Because... whenever you talk about her, you always seem as if it annoys you, and you only kiss her in public... You've never mentioned... experimenting...'

Arthur pouted.

He held the look one would think linked to cogs ticking in a clock.

Merlin bit his lip. Had that been too far?

'Well... you're perfectly right in saying I don't like her.'

'Then why are you dating her?' Merlin hoped he didn't sound desperate.

'She's from a good family, my father approves of her, and she's attractive... most of the time.'

The air was cold now and the sun was losing its heat.

'So you're only going out with because of... public thinking reasons?' Merlin did hope with the passion of a thousand suns that Arthur didn't love Vivian.

_Please say Yes, Please say Yes, Please say Yes._

'Yes'...

But Arthur looked somewhat output, he seemed vulnerable now, as if he was hiding something, and Merlin wanted, no, needed to know what was hurting his Arthur.

'Arty? What's wrong?'

'Nothing, I was just confirming to myself that, yes, my life isn't my own.'

Arthur turned his head, and looked to the daisies springing from the grass.

A deep somewhat sudden melancholy swept over their young bodies as clouds paint over the sun. There was something deeper bothering Arthur and Merlin felt his heartstrings become so sore with the knowledge.

'Your life _is_ your own, Arthur' He turned his head back to Merlin and his eyes were glazed with tears almost, the outside slightly blood shot and Arthur's lips moped into a frown... as if he was silently asking Merlin to prove this to him.

'What else can I do, Em?'

Merlin... was torn between the pain of seeing Arthur so abruptly distraught and red rage at the fact probably Uther had planted a life into Arthur that wasn't his own, one that he wasn't comfortable with and one that was causing him such displeasure and sadness.

'You, Arthur, and only you carve the path that you want in this world. No matter what anyone says, you are the person who controls your life. Who cares what anyone else thinks? You are the greatest person I know, and I have faith in you that you'll choose the right path.'

'How can you be so sure?'

Pause.

'Because I believe in you Arthur and despite your arrogance and your stupid sense of emotion, or lack of sometimes... you are also kind, courageous, and gentle and just. And I know this may sound strange but-'

Merlin was filled with such warmth now, and he couldn't stop himself.

-you are magnificent and you deserve happiness Arthur.'

Arthur looked between perplexed and touched.

'If there is one person who... who deserves someone to love, and to be loved in return, that person is you Arthur. And... whatever happens, in life, whether you change the world or the small part around you, I know things change but... you'll always have me. I'll follow you wherever you go' And Merlin dearly meant it with all his heart.

'Really, Em?' Arthur's voice was somewhat horse in the soft sunlight that was just now starting to break through.

'Really Really' He whispered. Merlin smiled sweetly then, one of his gentle goofy grins, and... if it was possible to actually runaway with someone's heart, Arthur would be Merlin's thief.

The atmosphere was thick now, and filled with a caring tension, caressed by concern and heartfelt words. Merlin felt as if he could say so much more, so much more. But for some reason he felt choked now, as if liquid love was drowning his words.

And yet he managed one sentence:

'I'll always be here for you, and I'll always be by your side. Em and Arty. Arty and Em. That's us.'

Arthur's eyes were filled with such emotions, a want to drop the topic but a need to hear these words from Merlin. The feelings ran deep for both of them and the air was so heavy upon them now.

Merlin felt the need to continue however:

'I know your father says-'

And with that simple mention the moment was broken and Arthur slide down his arm so he was facing the sky and parallel with Merlin, breaking their eye contact, breaking the moment more. And during this sudden motion Arthur said one thing and their speech was stopped.

'-that's enough, Merlin.'

Merlin felt as if Arthur had ripped his way into his chest and was pulling at his heart, blood oozing out, and the worst part was Arthur looked like he knew it to. With that said, and Arthur's rejection weighing down upon them like layers of water... Merlin went to looking at the sky again... and found that it was the same blue as Arthur's eyes.

Was that too far? Had he hurt Arthur by going too personal? He knew Arthur cared deeply about Uther's opinion of him and he wondered if he had crossed the line by mentioning his father. But what hurt the most was that Merlin had the sinking feeling of cold regret that he had caused Arthur more pain, that he had pushed him away somehow.

But these unnerving thoughts were stopped when Arthur tenderly reached for one of Merlin's fingers, Merlin not realising when he had moved his hands from behind his head. Merlin looked to Arthur with wounded hope after flinching slightly from the contact of calloused fingertips.

Arthur swallowed.

'Thank you... Em.'

And just like that, Merlin decided that any and all heartbreaks Arthur dealt Merlin, it was worth these small moments.

They resumed watching the sky, comfortable in their silence.


	3. Mine

**Howdy... Again :)**

**So, I thought, while living and all... that I'd start a Fanfiction based on many aspects... Mainly my life :P Because I'm that cool... But I'll include songs as well, for titles. So I disclaim owning them, and Merlin, unfortunately. Okay, some of the text in this is from the book 'One Day' but I have adapted a little into my own, so no suing ;P**

**The Story Of Us**

**Chapter 3 – Mine**

**Saturday 27****th**** September 2003**

Gwaine was in the doorway. 'That guy's here again.'

'What guy?'

'Your friend, the handsome one. He's got some girl with him.' And immediately Merlin knew which guy Gwaine was talking about.

He watched them from the kitchen, nose pressed against the greasy glass of the circular window as they slumped insolently in a central booth, sipping gaudy drinks and laughing at the menu. The girl, was long and slim with pale skin, green eye make-up and blonde, blonde, probably extensions, waving down her back. Her long legs were only half covered by a beige summer skirt with poppies as the decoration with what looked like six-inch heels. Both a little drunk, they were behaving in that self-consciously wild and reckless way that people slip into when they know they're being watched: pop-video behaviour, and Merlin thought how satisfying it would be to stride out onto the restaurant floor and beat them both with tightly packed sandwiches-of-the-day.

Damn this Café.

Two big hands draped on his shoulders 'Boo' said Gwaine dully amused, resting his chin on his head. 'Who is she?'

'Sophia, I think.' Merlin spat quietly like venom. He rubbed at the mark his nose hand made on the window. 'But by next month it will be some other girl.'

'That's a bit harsh, thought he liked this one.'

'Arthur has a very short attention span. Like a baby. Or a monkey. You need to dangle something shiny in front of him.' That's what Vivian was after all, Merlin thought: something shiny, Arthur had made that perfectly clear yesterday.

'So do you think it's true what they say? About girls liking bastards.'

'He's not a bastard. He's a prat.'

'Do girls like prats then?'

Arthur had stuck a cocktail umbrella behind his ear now, Vivian collapsing into enchanted laughter at the genius of it.

'... Certainly seems that way.' Merlin whispered, more to himself. What was it, he wondered, this need to brandish his shiny high rich life at him? As soon as Merlin met him at the arrivals gate on his return from the sudden long weekend in Thailand, strong-muscled and tanned and clean haircut, Merlin knew for sure that there was no chance of a relationship between them. Too much had happened to Arthur, too little had happened to Merlin. Even so, was it really necessary to bring the shiny something to the Café where Merlin worked? Was it some sort of sick revenge for something? Was it because Merlin had tried to help on personal, private matters? Was it because Merlin couldn't go to Thailand that Friday, when Arthur had asked him on the field after school?

Didn't Arthur know what this was doing to him, sat at table nine with their groins in each other's faces?

'Can't you go, Gwaine? It's your section.' Merlin exclaimed somewhat desperately.

'He asked for you.'

Merlin sighed, wiped his hands on the apron, removed the stupid cap from his head to minimise the shame and pushed the swing door open.

'So – do you want to hear the specials or what?'

Arthur stood up quickly; untangling himself from the girl's long limbs, and threw his arms around his old, old friend. 'Hey there, how are you, Em? Big Hug!' Merlin braced himself for Arthur's heavy arms to squeeze his tightly, crushing his heart in the process.

'Merlin, this –' He placed one hand on the girl's bare, bony shoulder, forming a chain between them. 'This is Sophia, pronounced So-fee-a'

'Hello, So-fee-a,' smiled Merlin. Sophia smiled back, the drinking straw nipped tight between white teeth.

'Hey, come and join us for a coffee, or a margarita!' Boozy from maybe a party last night and sentimental, he tugged on Merlin's hand.

'Can't, Arty, I'm working.'

'Come on, five minutes. Pleeeeeeease?' Puppy eyes were used and Arthur dramatically jutted out his bottom lip.

Gwaine joined them now, his notebook poised. 'So shall I get you guys something to eat?' he asked convivially.

The girl wrinkled her nose. 'I don't _think _so!'

'Arthur, you've met Gwaine, haven't you?' said Merlin quickly.

'No, no, I haven't,' said Arthur. 'Yes, several times,' said Gwaine.

There was a moment of silence as they stood there: the staff and the customers.

'So, Gwaine, can we get two, no, three of the "Irish Coffees". Two or three? Em, are you joining us?'

'Arthur, I told you. I'm working.'

A look of victimised pain passed his eyes and Merlin started to worry if that was harsher than he intended.

'Okay, in that case, do you know what? We'll leave it then. Just the bill, please, um...' Gwaine left and Arthur beckoned to Merlin and in a low voice said, 'Hey, look, is there any way I can, you know...'

'What?'

'Give you the money for the drinks.'

Merlin stared blankly. 'I don't understand.'

'What I mean is, is there any way I can, you know, _tip_ you? You personally?'

Merlin wasn't sure whether to be touched or offended. 'Tip me?'

'Exactly. Tip you.' Arthur looked hopefully, a childish gleam of happiness in his hazy eyes.

'Why?' Merlin breathed quite quietly and he wasn't sure whether it was from sadness or sentiment.

'No reason, Em,' said Arty. 'I just really, really want to tip you,' and Merlin felt another piece of his soul fall away. He was, in that moment, reminded how he had almost finished college, working part-time waiting tables; a flight-risk, with a fear of falling, wondering why we bother with love if it never lasts, if it hurts.

...

On a hill that looked a lot like Box Hill by the River Derwent, Arthur slept in the evening sun, lilac beige shirt unbuttoned, hands beneath his head, a half-empty bottle of grocer's white wine warming by his side as he slipped from the hangover of the afternoon into drunkenness again. The parched yellow grass of the hill was crowded with young professional people, many straight from their offices, talking and laughing as three different stereos competed with each other, and Arthur lay in the centre of it all and dreamt of television. He thought about his future and it all seemed quite alright now. He'd finish college and might go on to university... he probably would have to if his father had anything to say about it, being a Duke's son and only son. He'd do some military work for a couple of years and might still do that while he trained to be a... photographer? TV Presenter? He liked the sound of both. Both could get him a date quickly and they both sounded quite fun. He was good at capturing the moment and he thought he was blessed with charisma. Everything would be alright; going his way.

Soothed by these thoughts, and on the verge of sleep, he was woken by a shadow across his face. He opened one eye, squinting up and couldn't help but think how they were in this exact position a couple of weeks ago on Friday, but in the reverse and on a field.

'Hello, sexy.'

Merlin kicked him sharply in the hip.

'Ow!' He wasn't expecting that!

'Don't you ever, _ever_ do that again!'

'Do what?'

'You know what! Like I'm in a zoo, you poking me with a stick, laughing-'

'I wasn't laughing at you!' Where was this coming from? Yes, he was a little drunk, but wasn't every late eighteen year old?

'I watched you, sat straddling your girlfriend, chuckling away-'

'She isn't my girlfriend, and we were laughing at the menu-'

'You were laughing at where I work.'

'So? You do!'

'Yes, because I _work_ there. I'm laughing in the face of adversity; you're laughing in my face!'

Wait, What? Is that how Merlin really saw it?

Arthur felt a sudden stab of ice cold guilt penetrate the seams of his heart.

'Em, I would never, ever-'

'That's what it feels like.'

'Well I apologise.'

Silence.

'Good.' Merlin folded his legs beneath him and sat next to Arthur.

'Now do your shirt up and pass me the bottle.'

Merlin still seemed pretty upset and Arthur needed to stop any doubts or hurt feelings right now.

'And she really isn't my girlfriend.' He fastened three low shirt buttons, making sure that his beautiful pecks were still showing and waited for Merlin to take the bait. When he didn't, Arthur prodded again. 'We're just sleeping together every now and then, that's all.'

As the possibility of a relationship had faded, Merlin had endeavoured to harden himself to Arthur's indifference and these days a remark like this caused no more pain than, say, a metal tennis ball thrown sharply at the back of his head. These days he barely even flinched. 'That's nice for you both, I'm sure.' He poured wine into a plastic cup. 'So if she's not your girlfriend, what do I call her?'

'I don't know. "Lover"?'

'Doesn't that imply affection and _love_?'

'How about "Conquest"?' He grinned, that was funny. 'Can I say "Conquest" these days?'

Tennis ball.

'Or "victim". I like "victim".' Merlin lay back suddenly and squeezed his fingers into the pockets of his jeans. 'You can take that back and all.' He tossed a tightly wadded twenty-pound note onto Arthur's chest.

'No way.'

'Yes way.'

'That's yours!'

'Arthur, listen to me. You don't tip friends.'

'It's not a tip, it's a gift.'

The air got thick then, and Merlin was touched by Arthur's intention.

'And cash is not a gift. If you want to buy me something, that's very nice, but not cash. It's embarrassing.'

Arthur sighed, defeated, and stuffed the money back into his pocket. 'I apologise. Again.' Arthur started sulking.

Maybe Merlin was being a bit too mean and apprehensive...

'Fine,' he said, and lay down beside him.

'Go on then. Tell me all about it.'

Grinning, Arthur raised himself up on his elbows. 'So Leon was having this party at the weekend-'

_Party_, Merlin thought. Has he become someone who goes to _parties at the weekend_?

'- and I'd seen her around so I went over to say hi, hello, welcome, very formal, hand outstretched, and she smiled up at me, winked, put her hand on the back of my head and pulled me towards her and she-' He lowered his voice to a thrilled whisper. '-kissed me, right?'

'Kissed you, right?' said Merlin, as another tennis ball struck home.

'-and slipped something into my mouth with her tongue. "What was that?" I said and she just winked and said, "You'll find out".'

A silence followed before Merlin said 'Was it a peanut?' _Did you choke?_

'No-'

'Little dry-roasted peanut-'

'No, it was a pill-'

'What like a tic-tac or something? For your bad breath?'

'I don't get bad-'

'Haven't you told me this story before anyway?'

'No, that was Vivian. Probably'

The tennis balls were coming thick and fast now, the odd cricket ball made of steel mixed in there too. Merlin stretched and concentrated on the sky. 'You've got to stop letting women slip drugs into your mouth, Arty, it's unhygienic. And dangerous. One day it'll be a cyanide capsule.'

Arthur laughed. 'So do you want to hear what happened next?'

Merlin placed a finger on his chin. 'Do I? Nope, I don't think so. No, I don't.'

But Arthur told him anyway, the usual narrative about dark backrooms at clubs and late-night phone-calls and taxis across the city at dawn; the endless, eat-as-much-as-you-can buffet that was turning into Arthur's sex life and Merlin made a conscious effort not to listen and just watch his mouth instead. It was a nice mouth, he thought: ready, kiss-worthy, red lips so full and delicious looking. If Merlin were fearless, bold and asymmetrical like that Sophia girl, he would lean over now and kiss Arthur, but it occurred to him that he had never kissed anyone, that is, never _initiated _the kiss. Merlin had been kissed of course, suddenly and far too hard by drunken guys and girls at the rare party, kisses that came swinging out of nowhere like sucker punches. Gwaine had tried three weeks ago; actually, while Merlin was mopping the Café floors, looming in so violently that they had head-butted before any lip contact... which Merlin was grateful for. Even Arthur had kissed him once, many, many years ago. Would it really be so strange to kiss him back? What might happen if he did it now? Take the initiative, hold onto his head while he's still talking and kiss him, kiss him deep and-

'- so Sophia calls at three in the morning, says, "Get in a cab. Right. Now."'

Merlin had a perfectly clear mental picture of Arthur wiping his mouth with the back of his hand: the kiss as custard-pie. He let his head loll to the other side to watch the others on the hill. Then evening light was starting to fade now, and two hundred prosperous, attractive young people were throwing Frisbees, lighting disposable barbecues, making plans for the evening. Yet Merlin felt as far removed from these people, with their interesting careers and MP3 players and mountain bikes, as if it had been a TV commercial, for vodka perhaps or small sporty cars.

He looked back to Arthur, still narrating his own sex life still, then over Arthur's shoulder at the young couple, kissing aggressively, the woman kneeling astride the man, his arms flung back in surrender, their fingers interlocked.

'... basically we were like cats in heat.'

'Sorry, I stopped listening a while ago.'

'I was just saying...'

'What do you think she sees in you?'

Arthur shrugged, as if he didn't understand the question. 'She says I'm complicated.'

'Complicated? You're like a three-piece jigsaw-' Merlin sat and brushed the grass from his shin. '- in thick ply,' then tugged the leg of his jeans a little higher.

_Time to change the subject..._

'Look at these legs.' Merlin indicated to the porcelain skin with a practically flawless complexion. 'There's hardly any meat on them.'

'So eat something, your bum's a bit bony too, nice shape though.'

Arthur was grinning but with a small glint of seriousness in his eyes.

'Arthur!'

'And anyway, you're got great legs.' He leant across and pinched Merlin's calves. 'You're gorgeous.'

Merlin, in panic or shock, knocked Arthur's elbow so that he fell back onto the grass. 'Can't believe you said my bum has nice shape.' Beyond him the couple were still kissing. 'Look at these two here – don't stare.' Arthur peered over his shoulder. 'I can actually hear them. Over this distance, I can hear the suction. Like someone unblocking a sink.' And maybe Merlin was actually a little jealous. 'I said don't stare!'

'Why not? It's a public place.'

'Why would you go to a public place to behave like that? It's like a nature documentary.'

'Maybe they're in love.'

'And is that what love looks like – all wet mouths and your shirt riding up?'

Arthur looked thoughtful.

'Sometimes it can be.'

'Looks like she's trying to fit his entire head into her mouth. She'll dislocate her jaw if she's not careful.'

A few moments passed... and Arthur was still staring.

'You know some people might think it's a bit weird, this obsession you've got with being in a constant state of intercourse, some people might think it's a bit sad and desperate...'

'Funny, I don't feel sad. Or desperate.'

Merlin, who did feel these things, said nothing. Arthur nudged him with his elbow. 'You know what we should do? You and I?'

Arthur had that devilish glint in eyes and he looked far too enthusiastic.

'What?' Merlin questioned cautiously.

Arthur grinned. 'We should kiss in public.'

Merlin wasn't quite sure if he'd heard Arthur quite right there. Did the man he loves really just suggest that they make out in front of all these people in the evening glow? Merlin's heart was caught between stopping completely and beating, hammering against his chest, as if it wanted to escape and jump down Arthur's throat.

Did Arthur want to? He was still grinning.

What?

'What?'

Arthur then lunged himself at Merlin, pushing him down onto the grass so he was atop his best friend, straddling his thighs with his own. Merlin couldn't think, didn't have time to, before Arthur had grabbed his wrists and flew them above his head...

Merlin was trapped in a prison of heat and Arthur. He felt Arthur's heart beating through his chest; it was almost steady, as if Arthur was trying to will it to stay at a regular beat. All Merlin could hear was the pumping of his blood as if he was underwater and Arthur's breath coming out damp and sweet across his lips. The heat from Arthur's body was pouring into Merlin's, as if he didn't know what heat was before this moment.

And all he could see was that very nice mouth, smiling down at him with affectionate eyes. Merlin's mouth was slightly parted, and his breathing was so erratic he was sure Arthur knew the effect he was having on him.

His heart and mind were screaming _YES, YES, YES!_ But his mouth said quite the opposite.

'Arthur, I don't think-'

He was cut short when Arthur started nibbling his ear, sucking slightly at the lobe and Merlin could feel Arthur's smirk, and both stimulations made him so light-headed he forgot what breathing was.

'Stop, Arthur.'

He persisted.

'Arthur, stop, people will stare.' And Merlin then just realised the pain within his chest.

'Let them.' Arthur moved to his jaw, catching the skin between his teeth.

'You have... ugh... Sophia.' _Why are you trying to stop this? Just let him do what he wants!_

'I told you, she's not my girlfriend.' Arthur was too good at this and Merlin really hoped, really hoped that he couldn't feel his erection, full and blazing. Merlin truly, oh so truly hoped that Arthur couldn't feel his magic sparking and crackling under his skin, as if ready to burst through.

Despite the fact that this felt so good, that having _Arthur_ suck his neck and kiss the forming love bites made his heart sing and melt at the same time... maybe the moment wasn't right or something, because Merlin was confused himself as to why his mouth replied with:

'Seriously, Arthur, get off me.'... He said it while smiling though.

_How dare you mouth, I actually physically hate you._

Arthur looked into Merlin's eyes for one moment, searching maybe, his grin gone, as if he was concentrating on Merlin's breathing, then slide back onto his side.

Silence.

'Just thought it might be fun.' Arthur spoke half-heartedly some time later.

Merlin felt like he had not only knocked himself out and left his bloody body by the road, but as if he had betrayed Arthur somehow.

But the feelings were covered when Arthur moved things on, despite the unspoken emotions from before. Lying on his back staring at the sky, Merlin could feel Arthur looking at him.

'So. What about you?' he said, in what Merlin thought of as his psychiatrist voice. 'Any news? Any action? Love-life wise.'

'Oh you know me. I have no emotions. I'm a robot. Or a nun... A robot nun.'

'No you're not. You pretend to be, but you're not.'

'Oh, I don't mind. I quite like it, getting old alone-'

'You're almost nineteen, Em-'

'- I like my lonely contentment.'

Arthur wasn't sure if Merlin as actually telling him the truth, but nevertheless still felt a hungry twinge of arousal as Merlin breathed heavily. As Merlin talked, he pictured them on a very hot summer's day, naked in the sea maybe, or maybe just on the beach, a nudist beach. They'd be lying by the rocks so no-one could see. Arthur pictured a damp, smooth-skinned Merlin beneath him, begging to be filled, the emptiness after Arthur's heavy fingers driving him to the brink of human sanity. Arthur pictured a puffed, over-sensitive hole, red-rimmed and pulsating, almost wide open yet so, _so _tight as Arthur would gently and yet so forcefully slide in his huge, long, thick, hungry, throbbing cock and-

_What the hell?_

Arthur tackled himself to the ground and slapped himself senseless. What the hell was he thinking?

This kind of erotic reverie occupied great swathes of Arthur's mental energy, and he wondered if perhaps Merlin was right, perhaps he was a little too distracted by the sexual side of things. Surely it wasn't natural to feel as if he'd just got out of prison _all the time _around Merlin? Concentrate. Someone he cared for dearly was engaged in some kind of nervous collapse, and he should concentrate on that, rather than the three girls behind Merlin who had just started a water-fight...

Concentrate! Concentrate. He steered his thoughts away from the subject of sex, his brain as nimble as an aircraft carrier.

'How about that guy?' he said.

'What guy?' Merlin was thoroughly confused as to Arthur's flustered state.

'At work, the waiter. The annoying one.'

'Gwaine? What about him?'

Arthur paused for a bit.

'Why don't you go out with Gwaine?'

'Shut up, Arthur! No! Gwaine's just a friend. Now pass the bottle, will you?'

Merlin looked hurt and offended.

Arthur watched as Merlin sat and drank the wine, which had become warm and syrupy now. While not sentimental, there were times when Arthur could sit quietly and watch Merlin Emrys laughing or telling a story and feel absolutely sure that he was the finest person Arthur knew. Sometimes he almost wanted to say this out loud, interrupt him and just tell him. But this was not one of those times, and instead Arthur thought how tired Merlin looked, sad and more pale than usual. And he realised that he could see a nice display of now define collarbones upon his torso. He really should start eating more. And Arthur's mind made a map of Merlin's lean long body and all the graceful limbs that adorned it, however clumsy when he actually walked. He thought of how, in the evening twilight, Merlin actually looked, dare he say or even think it 'ethereally beautiful.' But Merlin worked in a Café part-time and clearly hated it. What Merlin really needed, Arthur thought, ablaze with compassion, was someone to take him in hand and unlock his potential. He imagined a sort of montage, looking patrician and kindly as Merlin tried a series of incredible new outfits. Yes, he really should pay Merlin more attention and he would do it too if he didn't have so much happening at present.

But in the short term, wasn't there something he could do to make him feel better about himself, lift his spirits, give his self-confidence a boost? He had an idea, and reached for Merlin's hand before announcing solemnly:

'You know, Em, if you're still single when you're forty... I'll marry you.'

Merlin, for the life of him, was wondering if he was ever going to get used to his heart and magic deciding to stop suddenly, surely it wasn't healthy...

And yet, despite the sincerity in Arthur's eyes... he was such a prat sometimes, Merlin thought.

Merlin looked at him with wounded disgust. 'Was that a _proposal_, Arty?'

'Not _now_, just at some point if we both get desperate.'

Dollop-head.

Merlin laughed bitterly. 'And what makes you think I'd want to marry you?'

'Well, I'm sort of taking that as a given.'

Clot-pole.

'So you'd me mine then?'

'Yes!'

Merlin shook his head slowly. 'Well you'll have to join the queue, I'm afraid. My friend Gwaine said the same thing to me while we were disinfecting the meat fridge. Except he only gave me until I was thirty-five.'

'Well no offence to Gwaine, but I think you should definitely hold out for the extra five years.'

'I'm not holding out for either of you! I'm never getting married anyway.'

'How do you know that?'

Merlin shrugged. 'Wise old gypsy lady told me.'

'I suppose you disagree on _financial _ grounds or something.'

'Just... not for me, that's all.' Merlin felt tears building, a salty heat behind his eyes.

'I can see you now. Big bowtie and suit, bridesmaids, if you want, little page boys, messy damp hair...' _Messy _and _Damp_. His mind snagged on the words like a fish on a hook.

'As a matter of fact, I think there are more important things in life than "relationships".' His voice was a type of wet hoarse.

'Oh come on Merlin, don't be like that. We'd make a great couple, you and I. Arty and Em. Em and Arty. That's us. I'd have the looks and the strength; you'd have the brains and the magical wisdom-' Merlin flinched.

'- we could totally be in love and the _sex_ would be so amazing and so-'

Merlin gave Arthur a look that resembled a victim begging their torturer to stop beating them... and Arthur felt so guilty, not knowing where he'd gone wrong.

They turned back to sky, shaded into night now and after a moment Merlin said, 'My career took a bit of an upturn today.'

'You got fired?'

'Promotion.' He started to laugh. 'I've been offered the job of manager when I'm out of college.'

Arthur sat up quickly. 'In that place? You've got to turn it down.'

'Why do I have to turn it down? Nothing wrong with restaurant work.'

'Em, you could be mining uranium with your teeth and that would be fine as long as you were happy. But you hate that job, you hate every single moment.'

'So? Most people hate their jobs. That's why they're called jobs.'

'You're only nearly nineteen, Em! You have your whole life ahead of you! Only one more year and you can do whatever you want.'

Merlin didn't know why, maybe he was still a bit hurt from the marriage thing, or maybe it was because Merlin thought his life would be so boring and pointless, but he started to sound hysterical.

'That's easy for you to say! You're a Duke's son and an Earl yourself! Technically, you don't even need a job because you're so fucking loaded. Unlike me, I have to work my arse off just to get a little. But you, not you; you can leave anytime you want. You can wake up one day and decide that no, I'm bored with education, and you can leave me and go live in your mansion with as many girls, mistresses or whatever the _hell _you want to call them and be all happy and _just fine_!'

_Stop talking, calm down._

'Hey, I'm not like that, and I'd work, work in the media maybe-'

'I mean if people treated, I don't know, nursing or social work or teaching with the same respect as they do the bloody _media_-'

'So be a teacher then! You'd be a fantastic teacher-'

'I want you to write on the board, "I will not give my friend careers advice!"' He was talking too loud now, shouting almost and a long silence followed. Why was he being like this? Arthur was only trying help. In what way did Arthur benefit from this friendship? He should get up and walk away, that's what Arthur should do. They turned to look at each other at the same time, and Merlin saw that Arthur's expression was a mixture of a kicked puppy... and a sympathy friend.

'Sorry,' Arthur said.

'No, I'm sorry.'

'What are you sorry for?'

'Rattling on like a... mad old cow. I'm sorry, I'm tired, bad day, and I'm sorry for being so... boring.'

'You're not that boring.'

'I am, Arty. God, I swear, I bore myself.'

'Well you don't bore me.' Arthur took Merlin's hand. 'You could never bore me. You're one in a million, Em.'

'I'm not even one in three.'

Arthur kicked Merlin's foot with his. 'Em?'

'What?'

'Just take it, will you? Just shut up and take it.'

They regarded each other for a moment. He lay down once more, as if hitting a mattress defeated, and after a moment Merlin followed then jumped a little when he found out that Arthur had slid his arm beneath Merlin's shoulders. There was a self –conscious moment of mutual discomfort... or was it yearning that they didn't know what to do with, before Merlin turned onto his side and curled towards Arthur. Tightening his arm around him, Arthur spoke into the top of his head.

'You know what I can't understand? You have all these people telling you all the time how great you are, smart and funny and talented and all that, I mean endlessly, I've been telling you for years dare I admit it out loud. You're always the first person to jump in and reassure me if I'm ever doubtful about myself or think dying would be an easier option. You're always the one who tries to inspire me to carry on, that being a blonde prat isn't really that bad-'

Arthur wanted to take this deeper... and decided that Merlin was a bit more important than his pride.

'- You comfort me, Em, and dare I say that it works. You're my best friend and I can't bare the idea that you're unhappy. So why can't you take your own advice? Why can't you believe it when people say how amazing you are? Why do you think people say that stuff, Em? Do you think it's a conspiracy, people secretly ganging up to be nice about you?' His voice was genuine and affectionate, eyes concerned and worried.

Merlin pressed his head against Arthur's shoulder to make him stop or else he felt he might cry.

_Why does he have to me so amazing?_

'I should go...'

'No, stay a bit longer. We'll get another bottle.'

'Isn't Sophia waiting for you somewhere? Her little mouth crammed full of drugs like a little hamster.' He puffed out his cheeks and Arthur laughed, and Merlin began to feel a little better.

They stayed there for a while, then walked down to the off-licence and back up the hill to see the sun over the city, drinking cheap wine and eating nothing but a large bag of expensive crisps. Strange animal cries could be heard from the wooded rocky hills rising to heather moorland, and finally they were the last people on the hill.

'I should get home.' Merlin said, standing slightly woozily.

'You could stay at mine if you wanted.'

Merlin thought of the long trek home. He could get the bus but he liked to walk. He thought of his mother being out tonight doing extra shifts, and the leftover steak pie in the fridge, ready for re-heating. He thought of the probably cold house, small and cosy, but the central heating was broken.

'Borrow a toothbrush?' said Arthur, as if reading his thoughts. 'Sleep in one of our many guest rooms?'

Merlin imagined sitting next to Arthur in one of the giant ornate drawing rooms, filled with opulent rugs and tapestries, portraits of the family and only the richest most lovely and shiny oak and mahogany furniture. Fires blazing, an intimate lighting... but decided life was complicated enough. He reminded himself of the resolution that he was renewing quite a lot recently: No more sleepovers, no more walks in the park, no more poetry reading, no more _extra _time with Arthur.

And just when he thought he could say no, Arthur opened his mouth.

'Please? For me?...'

Arthur looked like a subtle desperate and... Merlin sighed, how could he say no to Arthur?

**Thanks For Reading, let me know what you think, no obligation though. There was a lot of 'One Day' stuff in here so I shall disclaim it... again :)**


	4. You Belong With Me

**Howdy... Again :)**

**So, I thought, while living and all... that I'd start a Fanfiction based on many aspects... Mainly my life :P Because I'm that cool... But I'll include songs as well, for titles. So I disclaim owning them, and Merlin, unfortunately. I'm not extremely happy with this chapter, thought it went a bit weird at the beginning and just started to fade during the middle. I do apologise for any spelling or grammar mistakes and just... if you think this chapter needs improving let me know.**

**I dedicate this chapter to **_**allthingsmagical**_** who has been such wonderful support.**

**The Story Of Us**

**Chapter 4 – You Belong With Me**

**Friday 9****th**** April 2004**

Guinevere, her friends call her Gwen, was sitting next to Merlin by the school railings. They were waiting outside for the boys to finish their 'Emergency Fencing Training', Merlin would have walked home from their posh, red-bricked school, but Arthur insisted that he wait, so Gwen, by default, had to as well, saying she couldn't leave Merlin all alone.

Gwen was one of Merlin's dearest friends, not as close as Arthur; no-one could be as close to him as Arthur... and she was also new, well, slightly new, she joined in Year 9 but she was a good friend nevertheless, and because of this, he thought she deserved some happiness with love, even if he couldn't. He flicked through every guy he knew like pages of a book until he slammed the mental page and declared silently he had found the perfect man for Gwen.

Lancelot.

Or Lance, depends what mood you were in, was completely ideal for Gwen: both were complaining of being lonely, and the other was what the other needed. Gwen was the sweet, subtly exotic, blushing girl and Lancelot was the dark-haired stranger, mysterious and charming...

Seriously, he wondered why he hadn't thought of it before; this matchmaking thing was easier than he thought.

So he started talking:

'Gwen?'

She turned her head sweetly, 'Yes?'

'Do you still want a man?'

Gwen blushed and looked away a moment.

'Maybe... but I'm fine, I don't want to look desperate.' She panicked.

'No, no, it's alright, in fact, I've found the perfect person for you.'

This, despite her previous rejection and conflict with her pride, it did spark her curiousity.

'Really?'

'Yes, and-' Merlin thought about what a genius he was.

'- I think you two were meant for each other. You mentioned that you liked him lots, that when you first met, it was like being pulled into the tide, making it harder for you to breathe, well you said that about someone and I think I know who it is... so I think I'll help. But it is only a suggestion, a friend to another.'

'How do you know who I was talking about?'

Merlin grinned, this was too easy.

'It's-'

'- Don't say!'

_Aww, she's embarrassed._

'He's at the training though, isn't he?'

Gwen reddened even more and her reaction said it all.

She seemed to contemplate this, running over the possibility of a nice date and the risk of destroying her friendship with him... her eyes conveyed this battle and Merlin wondered if he was manipulating her.

She looked down then, a flustered wish in her voice.

'Alright.'

They grinned at each other, and awaited the return of the others. A silent and comfortable exchange of ideas and 'thank you's.

And right on cue, they looked up in unison to find Lancelot walking across the green, putting his sword back in its sheathe. Arthur must be running late and the others didn't live this way. He smiled to himself, loving that the look of distant loneliness of Lancelot's face was sure enough soon to disappear. Merlin jumped off the golden railing, wobbling a bit as he almost fell, and went to tend to his abandoned bag, his back turned. Gwen was breathing as a nervous rabbit might in the sight of a fox. Arthur also then joined Lancelot, laughing at maybe previous joke one of them told, slapped Lancelot's back, then too, put his sword back into the sheathe.

'Which one do you think he is?' Gwen was still a little confused; she was in such a rush. She couldn't think properly.

'What do you mean _Which one_? The one putting his sword away.' _Seriously, she's the one with the crush, not me. And didn't I tell her I knew: she needs more faith in me..._

Once Arthur had put his sword away, and both men had reached the two patients, Merlin suddenly snapped up and put his bag over his shoulder, head-butting Arthur in the process, who had bent down to help. The impact was sudden and a horrible thud was sounded, which echoed like a gun shot in Merlin's ears. He looked up to Arthur cradling his nose as if it was just a small cut... as if there wasn't a dab of blood gliding to his lip.

Merlin felt a sudden rush of cold fear and dread.

_Fuck!_

'Arthur, Arthur, are you okay?' Merlin voice was shaking so much and he stepped the short distance Arthur had recoiled, he ignored the faint chuckle of Lancelot.

'I'm fine, Em.' Arthur brushed it off like it was nothing, but the longer Merlin saw the blood, the longer the panic eagerly ate at his soul.

'Shit, I'm so sorry, that was totally my fault, let me see it.' Merlin could use magic to heal Arthur couldn't he? He'd just close his eyes or something, waiting for the power to pass and wash through his veins.

'Em, seriously, I'm fine.' But Merlin was already by his side, grabbing the nape of his neck and inspecting the damage... Arthur would had pulled away, telling Merlin to stop being such a girl and can they go home already... but he felt the tremor in Merlin's fingertips, and on closer inspection, saw the liquid worry building in Merlin's eyes, the world slowing as he regarded the intensity of Merlin's care. He let him continue. But to be honest, he was feeling a bit light-headed himself.

Arthur then felt the gentle push of Merlin's forefinger an thumb press against nose, and he then realised how close they were. Warm spasms of appreciation and affection jolted through him in these moments as he smiled at Merlin's concentration and the odd angle. Em then closed his eyes and whispered something that Arthur couldn't quite catch, but almost instantly he felt a bolt of liquid electricity, fire even, cascade through his blood and when Merlin pulled away, Arthur touched his nose to feel no bruise, no pain, no nothing... even the hot wet iron taste in the back of his throat had dissipated.

Arthur was stunned and most mystified.

Merlin smiled tenderly, 'All better, Arty?'

Arthur just felt like he wanted to melt and couldn't express why, 'Yeah... Yeah, thanks Em.'

They exchanged goofy grins.

And during this trade of intimacy, one could find that Gwen, despite her calm and placid demeanour... she looked quietly angry at Merlin, as if he had betrayed her.

The air's intensity passed and the boys stopped looking into each other's eyes.

'You ready then Em?'

'Yep.'

They started to walk down the road behind the green, Arthur reaching over to carry Merlin's bag after all.

Merlin winked at Gwen before he left.

He stood there, puzzled and hurt as to why Merlin would do that. Lancelot saw her silent distress and asked if she was alright, he looking nervous as if she was the girl of his dreams.

'Isn't Arthur walking with us?' She asked, not answering his previous question.

'No, well he would, but he wants to be with Merlin before he goes to Elena's for the weekend.'

'Who's Elena?' But she had already guessed with a sinking feeling.

'His new girlfriend.'

...

Merlin sat on the park bench, thinking again how: didn't he promise himself no walks in public places?

Arthur took him to a fancy rose garden, with the odd dahlia or lily in the background, the white gravel seeming soft to walk his feet on, almost like sand, and the spring sun was beating hard and fast upon them. The sudden change in temperature forced them to retire to a bench that was slightly abandoned in the corner by a hedgerow, old red-brick walls surrounding the park, much like the school's.

_Posh Places_, Merlin thought.

Arthur was on the phone to Elena, she was upset, and by the sound of it by something that Arthur said. Might have been the time she fell over while going _up_ the stairs to school, he laughed at her then, but it wasn't _at _her. She was almost as clumsy as Merlin. Almost. And maybe because Merlin was in a particularly yearning mood today, a little upset himself and still heartbroken, he wondered if Arthur could really ever mean that they'd be good... together. He thought about how mean or clingy or just down-right stupid all of Arthur's recent girlfriends were and quite frankly, Merlin was getting so tired about seeing Arthur with them, as if his heart rotted just that little bit more when he went to kiss one of them. And it hurt Merlin all the more because Arthur was never happy with any of them. Never. They were either being a total bitch to him, yelling about how he should be more... more. Or trying to hump his leg all the time. Elena was a perfect example of that. Merlin thought she was the nicest of the crew, but she was just... in the way.

Which lead Merlin to think about how he would make Arthur so happy if they were together. He'd treat him to anything that he'd desire and, dare he admit it... Merlin would worship Arthur. He thought that Arthur was perfect, that no-one could get closer to perfection than he, so whenever he found Arthur hurt... Merlin's heart felt so weak.

And this made Merlin think about how wrong all these girls were for him. They didn't get his humour like Merlin did. He remembered the time that Arthur called him when he was at home, it was his birthday and it was about his dad:

_Pick up, Pick up, Pick up. _

'_Leave a message and I'll get back to you' Merlin's Irish turned English accent echoing in his ear._

_Beep._

'_Hi, Em? What was I going to say? Oh... yeah... I just... I just really needed to talk to someone. No. Not someone, you. Look, can you just call me back when you get this please, I need... just call me, please.' His voice crackled to a stop._

_Merlin was out and about, at Gwen's for a sleepover, and hated himself for forgetting his phone. He had this sinking feeling that he'd be needed, but didn't know why, he was meant to leave at 9 tomorrow morning, but thought he should go now. When he presented these worries to Gwen, she forced him to stay, saying that couldn't he live without a phone for a day?_

'_Hey, me again. You still out? Oh... okay. My dad's gone out so... so you can come round if you want, I'll pay for a cab if you want. Can you just get in a cab when you can please Em? Please. Sorry to sound so desperate. Sorry, I'm sorry. Okay, bye, bye Em. Bye.'_

'_Em? Me again! Just checking in. Bit drunk now actually. A lot drunk maybe. A bit sentimental. I was just calling to say that you... you're a really great thing you know that? Really great, sexy too. Funny and stuff. Yeah, you're funny. Call me when you get this, and I'll still pay for a cab, yeah? Just know, you're a really great thing Em, really great you are.'_

_Oh Come Merlin! Pick up, Please, it's almost midnight! Pick up, pick up, pick-_

'_- Arty?' a panicked Merlin answered the phone, breath heavy and filled with liquid concern and he imagined Merlin shaking almost._

_Arthur felt a rush of comfort completely assault his body at hearing his friend's voice. He felt his irregular heart, probably about to drown from alcohol poisoning, start even now to feel less sore._

'_Arthur? You there?'_

'_Yeah.' His voice broken between tears and relief, sighing out the tension._

'_What happened?'_

_Arthur felt impossibly tired now._

'_Just wanted to hear your voice.'_

_Merlin sniffed then and Arthur knew he made him upset._

'_Do you still want me to come round?'_

_Arthur paused._

'_Yeah, if you can... please.'_

_Merlin nodded, despite Arthur not seeing him, lips parted as to get more air._

'_Okay.'_

_Arthur thought again._

'_Can you sleep round as well?'_

_Merlin nodded again, already running out his door._

'_Yeah. See you in half an hour.' _

_When Merlin got to Arthur's house, he was greeted by the butler and when Merlin got to his bedroom... he found Arthur semi-collapsed on his sofa, shot glasses shattered here and there, the odd bottle of whiskey on the floor and Merlin gasped in horror, feeling ice frost over his veins. He instantly helped Arthur up right, smiling sweetly and was about to clean the mess when Arthur just collapsed into Merlin, curling in on him and weeping softly, clinging to him, his chest, his arms, like he might vanish. Merlin held him during the night, comforting Arthur, threading his fingers through his golden hair tenderly, saying that he wasn't a disappointment to Uther, and that he was worthy of living._

... It had been an emotional night for both of them and of course, they never spoke of it again, just a slight nod and carried on. But Merlin was still so anxious and worried about Arthur every day.

Arthur nodded up at Merlin with an exasperated smile, telling him he might be a while and that he was sorry.

Merlin slid slightly lower into the bench and let self-pity and a saddened melancholia wash over him. Recently, he has... he has tried so hard to not think of Arthur... but he's found it so hard to keep away. Every time Merlin thinks he can move away from Arthur, he pulls him back in. And Merlin has realised now that... he is head over heels for Arthur, irrevocably so. He knew that before... knew it the first time they met probably... but now; he was going to stop fighting it. But Merlin wasn't the best at controlling his feelings. And while sitting here, watching Arthur battle it out... Merlin thought so solemnly that she would never know Arthur's story like he did.

This led Merlin, naturally within the silent state he was in, to think about the day that Arthur told him about his mother:

_Waiting at the back of Arthur's... mansion gardens... he had no idea why Arthur wanted him to be here. It was Arthur's birthday, and it was almost five in the morning, Merlin couldn't go to his party with higher class people and nobles, but said to a most indifferent yet obviously upset Arthur that it was alright. Then Arthur, ringing his mobile which woke him up, told him to be at 'the secret door' as soon as._

_So here he was, clueless as to why._

_He heard a creak behind him and a lock unhinge, it was Arthur._

'_You ready?' He looked somewhat sombre._

'_Why am I here?' Merlin was uneasy and he didn't know why._

'_Just-' Arthur started walking, walking away to the rock-strewn valley hill in the distance of Chatsworth House._

'_-follow me, Em.'_

_And Merlin did, heart crushed by the tension._

_When they finally got to the mound, wildflowers of purest purple and heather scattered as far as the eye could see... Arthur sat down, leaning his back against a giant boulder with wrinkled grey lines coating the silver surface, and told Merlin to do the same. By now, Merlin was trembling silently with the intensity of it all and Arthur seemed so far away now... his eyes caught in a mournful memory, tears making the images so vivid and Merlin wanted nothing more than to gently caress them away. _

'_What are we doing here? Arty?' _

_Silence._

'_Just wait.'_

_And right on cue, at around six in the morning... the sun started to rise. An orange, almost amber sphere of perfect liquid gold started to rise above the hills, the mounds, and the rocky valley. The birds seemed to greet its coming and began to sing, creating a sweet, unearthly orchestra. And when the light hit the clouds... Merlin was mesmerised by how in which the whole sky changed colour. It was no longer a navy blue, but a vibrant mixture of crimsons, corals, lemons and violets, caressing the sky as ink would in water, spreading, cascading into the clouds like long lost lovers, like an artist would decorate his canvas._

_Merlin was speechless._

'_This was my Mother's favourite place.'_

_Arthur had mentioned his mother wasn't around, but the reason was left out, and by the obvious faint pain upon his friend's face, Merlin didn't ask for more._

'_She died a few moments after my birth.'_

_Merlin sat there patient, his heart heavy. He had no idea._

'_Apparently, my father used to smile when he was around.' Arthur attempt at the joke fell as his voice started to choke with tears._

'_I never knew her, and I think that's what hurts most.'_

_He looked at Merlin then and saw the heartbroken, understanding expression upon his features. Merlin's father had to leave when he was very young... he knew his friend would understand that hole within your soul, carrying the burden with you forever. And he appreciated Merlin, he really did. Arthur extracted something that looked like a coin from within his jacket, rubbing his thumb across to surface to reveal a dove atop a cross, shades of platinum. _

'_This belonged to my mother... bears her sigil.'_

_They looked at each other at the same time and from the morning twilight; they were both left trembling still and breathless from tears._

'_Here.' He gestured his arm to Merlin. 'I want you to have it.'_

_What? This was the only thing Arthur had left of his mother, the mother he never knew nor could, why would he give it to Merlin?_

_Merlin started to panic, the meaning too much for him._

'_I can't Arthur, I-'_

_Arthur leaned closer to him and placed it within his palm._

'_Just...' He looked deep into Merlin's eyes, as if peering at his soul. 'Take it.' A whisper on the wind._

_They fell asleep there, Merlin's head on Arthur's shoulder, Arty's arm around Em, pulling him closer... and both will deny it happened if someone should ask._

Arthur sat down next to Merlin now, letting out a sigh as he did.

'Everything alright?'

'Yeah, but she's close so she wants to see me now. Says I've been ignoring her and that I shouldn't call her 'clumsy' anymore.' Arthur winked. Merlin rolled his eyes.

They slipped easily into general conversation, avoiding emotional or sentimental topics. Talking about the weather and the flowers. Talking about how silly Merlin was for not taking up the offer to go with Arthur to Elena's house, Merlin telling him he couldn't, _he _wasn't Elena's boyfriend. Talking about school and other stupid things like recent games and DVDs, recent news and touching upon what love means. Merlin started to remember the time he and Arthur were walking the streets of their city, thinking how peaceful they both had been, thinking this is how it ought to be. And then his mind was snapped back to the present by a smirk upon Arthur's face, and for some strange reason they just started to laugh, and Merlin thought how easy it was to be happy with Arthur. Arty had a smile that could light up the world, Merlin thought, and he missed it, thinking how he hadn't seen it much of late due to family issues and Elena's clingy, clumsy nature.

'How are you, Arty? Really?' Merlin needed to know, hating with such a painful passion that Arthur wouldn't tell him what was wrong.

'I'm fine.' And that was all Arthur would say, a simple brushing off.

And Merlin started to feel slightly angry. He knew Arthur better than that. He felt hurt, betrayed even, that after everything they've done... Arthur now feels the need to keep something from him.

_A knock. _

_Someone was knocking on the door. _

_Banging now, actually._

_Really loudly. _

_Who the hell was it? _

_Hunith was out, doing extra shifts at the hospital again... and he wasn't expecting anyone._

_Thinking it would be Gwen or someone similar, Merlin was unprepared for the moment his heart shivered in agony at finding that at his doorstep was not Gwen or someone similar, but an Arthur trying not to cry._

'_Sophia's gone. Says I'm too much to handle. A drunk, rich fuck.' And then Arthur did something very unlike himself: he stepped forward and pulled Merlin into a hug, arms tight around his waist and hands grabbing for security. Merlin pushed his need to punch this bloody woman and slid his arms around Arthur's neck._

'_Am I a bad person, Em?'_

'_No... not at all.'_

_They spent most of the night eating popcorn and watching cheesy action films. When the clock struck three, they thought sleep was probably the best idea. So Merlin slept on his bedroom floor, blanket and pillow for comfort while Arthur occupied the bed. _

_Merlin was the one who made Arthur laugh, when he thought he'd cry. Merlin felt some warmth and pride in that position. He and Arthur went into a conversation where there could be no boundaries, speaking freely. They spoke of favourite songs and their dreams... _

And so it was now, when Merlin found he was just looking at Arthur only half listening to his ranting on about what he and Elena had planned and how amazingly great it would be... Merlin wondered.

Could Arthur see that he was the one that understood him? He's been here rather long, so why couldn't Arthur see it? Merlin didn't understand. They've been through so much; told each other things that no-one else knew... and yet there seemed to be this invisible barrier between them, as if Merlin were looking over a fence to talk to Arthur. Merlin thought about all these girls Arthur's been out with, the highs and lows and only one thought echoed throughout his mind-

'Elena! Over there!' Arthur shouted, drawing the blonde's attention.

'Got to go, Em. You'll be alright without me, won't you?' Arthur winked. Merlin smiled.

Merlin thought he had occupied a sort of green and yellow melancholy, was like patience sitting on a monument, smiling at grief.

As Arthur jumped off the bench and walked to Elena, only one thought echoed throughout his mind:

_You Belong With Me..._

**Sorry, had to bring in the Shakespeare ;) And I apologise again for how awful this is.**

**Let Me Know What You Think.**


	5. Summer Sunshine

**Howdy... Again :)**

**So, I thought, while living and all... that I'd start a Fanfiction based on many aspects... Mainly my life :P Because I'm that cool... But I'll include songs as well, for titles. So I disclaim owning them, and Merlin, unfortunately. Lots of 'One Day' again :D Lucky you :P**

**I'm so sorry for the long wait, but I hope the length makes up for it.**

**The Story Of Us**

**Chapter 5 – Summer Sunshine**

**Saturday 17****th**** July 2004**

Having finished college slightly early and in the mood to go something spontaneous that any nineteen year old would love... Arthur decided that Merlin needed a holiday.

_And then some days you wake up and everything is perfect. _Merlin thought.

This fine bright day found them under an immense blue sky with not the smallest chance of rain, on the sun deck of the ferry that steamed slowly across the Aegean. In new sunglasses and holiday clothes they lay side by side in the morning sun, sleeping off last night's taverna hangover. Day two of a ten-day island-hopping holiday, and The Rules Of Engagement were still holding firm.

A sort of platonic Geneva Convention, The Rules were a set of basic prohibitions compiled before departure to ensure that the holiday didn't get 'complicated'. Merlin was still single; only having to turn down one offer from Spike, a professional bicycle/motorbike repairman whose fingers smelt perpetually of WD40.

For his part, Arthur was being good... _no not really._ After things with Elena came to a mutual close, he had passed through Avril, Mary, a Sara, a Sarah, a Sandra and a Yolande before alighting on Mithian, an out-the-ordinary model turned actress who had been forced to give up modelling – she told Merlin this with a straight face – because 'with acting she can express herself much better, modelling just made people want to have sex with her.'

Mithian was the kind of girl who, once she found someone she really liked, would start beaming at the mention of their name, or giggle slightly maybe. And not that she felt threatened by Merlin, she understood the connection between the two boys, so it had been decided by all parties that it might be better to get a few things straight before the swimwear was unveiled, the cocktails were drunk. Not that anything was likely to happen; that very brief window had opened and closed almost unnoticed and they were immune to each other now, secure in the confines of firm friendship. Nevertheless, on a Friday night in June, Arthur and Merlin had sat outside the pub and complied The Rules.

Number One: separate bedrooms. Whatever happened there were to be no shared beds, neither double nor single, no drunken cuddles or snuggles or hugs; they were not students anymore. 'And I don't see the point of cuddling anyway,' Arthur had said. 'Cuddling just gives you cramp,' and Merlin had agreed and added:

'No flirting either. Rule Two.'

Well I don't flirt, so...' said Arthur, rubbing his foot against the inside of Merlin's shin.

'Seriously though, no having a few drinks and getting frisky.'

'"Frisky?"'

'You know what I mean. No funny business.'

'What, with you?' Arthur smirked seductively.

'With me or anyone else.' Merlin thought of a holiday based around Arthur eyeing every passing girl... his heart sank.

'In fact that's Rule Three. I don't want to have to sit there like a lemon while you're rubbing oil into Lottie from Stuttgart.'

'Em, that is not going to happen.' Arthur spoke sincerely.

'No, it isn't. Because it's a Rule.' And Merlin nodded to confirm this.

Rule Number Four, at Merlin's insistence, was the no nudity clause. No skinny-dipping: physical modesty and discretion at all times. He did not want to see Arthur in his underpants or in the shower or, God forbid, going to the toilet. In retaliation, Arthur proposed Rule Number Five: No Scrabble. More and more of his friends were playing it now, in a knowing ironic way, triple-word-score-craving freaks, but it seemed to him like a game designed expressly to make him feel stupid and bored. No Scrabble and no Boggle either; he wasn't dead yet.

Now on Day Two, with The Rules still in place, they lay on the deck of the ancient rust-spotted ferry as it chugged slowly from Rhodes towards the smaller Dodecanese islands. Their first night had been spent in some other island, drinking sugary cocktails from hollowed-out pineapples, unable to stop grinning at each other with the novelty of it all. The ferry had left Rhodes while it was still dark and now at nine a.m. they lay quietly nursing their hangovers, feeling the throb of the engines in their churning liquid stomachs, eating oranges, quietly reading, quietly burning, entirely happy in each other's silence.

Arthur cracked first, sighing and placing his book on his chest: Charles Dickens' _Great Expectations,_a gift from Merlin who was responsible for selecting all the holiday reading, a great breeze-block of books, a mobile library that took up most of his suitcase.

A moment passed. He sighed again, for effect.

'What's up with you?' Merlin finally gave him some attention, however without looking up from Jane Austen's _Pride and Prejudice._

'I'm not in the mood.'

'It's a masterpiece.'

'It's making my head hurt.'

'I should have got something with pictures or flaps.' Merlin teased.

'No, I am enjoying it-' Arthur spoke in his defence.

'_The Very Hungry Caterpillar _or something-'

'I'm just finding it a bit dense at the moment.'

Merlin thought for a while.

'I thought you'd really suit it.' Merlin raised his sunglasses that Arthur got him.

'It's a very clever, extremely well written book. With lots of social morals and life lessons in it, among so much more, Arty.'

Arthur raised his sunglasses and made Merlin a look.

'Dickens wasn't a philosopher or physiatrist, Em.'

Merlin slipped his sunglasses back on and returned to his romance. 'He was with his words. Go to sleep if you're tired.' And with that, he shot Arthur a goofy grin.

Arthur settled his head once more against his rucksack, but two people were by his side now, casting a shadow over his face. The girl was pretty and nervous, the boy large in muscle and pale, almost magnesium white in the morning sun.

'Excuse me,' said the girl in a Midlands accent.

Arthur shielded his eyes and smiled broadly up at them. 'Hi there.'

'Aren't you the... the Duke of Devonshire's son... the Earl of Edinburgh also... sir?'

'Might be,' said Arthur, sitting and removing his sunglasses with a raffish little flick of his head. Merlin quietly groaned.

'You are... aren't you? That's amazing! Sir... sire, where are your bodyguards? Do you have bodyguards?' The girl questioned with anxious curiousity.

Arthur held his hand up. 'Guilty as charged! And I can't say about them.' He winked.

Merlin laughed briefly through his nose, and Arthur shot him a look. 'Funny bit,' he explained, nodding towards Austen. The bodyguards were all in disguise, keeping an eye and their distance, there was only about three anyway.

'I knew! I saw you on telly! And on newspapers!' The girl nudged her boyfriend. 'I said so, didn't I?'

The pale large man shuffled and mumbled, then silence. Arthur became aware of the chug of the engines and _Great Expectations_ lying in his lap. He slipped it gently into his bag. 'On holiday are you?' he asked. The question was clearly redundant.

'Yeah, holiday.' Mumbled the man.

More dead air. 'This is my friend, Merlin.'

Merlin peered over his sunglasses. 'Hi there.'

The girl squinted at him, 'Are you noble too?'

'Me? God no.' He widened his eyes 'Though it is my dream.'

'Merlin here's trying out to be a teacher. An English teacher, part-time Drama.' said Arthur with a proud expression of adoration, a hand on his shoulder.

'_Trying out_, I work in a Café mainly.'

'As the manager. But he's packing that in and training to be a teacher, a bit young, but he's worth it, he's brilliant.'

Merlin looked at him levelly, 'Why are you talking like that?' he whispered.

'Like what? Can't I be proud?' Arthur laughed defiantly, but the couple were looking uneasy now, the man looking over the ship's side as if contemplating to jump. Arthur decided to round up the interview. 'So we'll see you on the beach or something. Get a beer maybe.' Both sides probably knew they wouldn't, but Arthur was being polite. The couple smiled and headed back to their bench.

Arthur had never sort out to be famous... and to be honest he was temperamental about it. On some days he was okay with it, he could handle the spotlight. But most days it weighed him down a bit and on those days when he got caught doing something, when the papers just for some reason decided to target him, he seemed tired on those days, as if he had aged within himself and just needed to sleep to blank out the world around him. Public recognition was also a new thing to him. Before it was the double-takes of maybe you have seen this man somewhere before, but now he was older, people seemed to have the courage to talk to him. He liked it sometimes, to know that he was noticed... but it got annoying, to put him bluntly, when he was talking to Merlin or his girlfriend. When he was eating or reading and just wanted some peace. However he was self-aware enough to know that he possessed a certain facility for what Merlin would call 'prattishness' and with this in mind he had been investing some private effort into working out what to do with his face.

Merlin was slightly amused by Arthur and so therefore had to, had to say something.

'You alright there?'

'Yeah, fine.'

'How _is _being "famous"?'

Arthur looked at him through his sunglasses, 'I hate the word "Famous": makes me sound like a celebrity.'

Merlin smiled slyly, 'Okay, how about "Annoying" or "Big-Headed"... you could always go for "Supercilious"'

Merlin started laughing and Arthur went to hit him with his book, 'Just shut up will you?'

Arthur lay back down and closed his eyes. Merlin looked at him briefly to see if he was smiling, then smiled too.

Mid-morning approached and while Arthur slept, Merlin caught his first sight of their destination: a blue-grey granite mass rising from the clearest sea that he had ever seen. Merlin had always assumed that water like this was a lie told by brochures, a trick with lenses and filters, but there it was sparkling and emerald green. At first glance the island seemed unpopulated except for the huddle of houses spreading up from the harbour, buildings the colour of coconut ice. He found himself laughing quietly at the sight of it. Until now travel had always been a fraught affair; however he had always wished to do it properly.

Now, standing at the railing as the town came into clearer view, Merlin began to understand the point of travel; he had never felt so far away from home. It was as if the air was somehow different here; not just how it tasted and smelt, but the element itself. Here everything was bright and sharp, clean and clear.

Merlin heard the snap of a camera shutter and turned in time to see Arthur take his photo again. 'I look terrible,' he said as a reflex, though perhaps he didn't. Arthur joined him, his arms holding the rail on either side of Merlin's waist. Merlin felt his magic start to tingle within his skin.

'Beautiful, isn't it?' Arthur whispered in Merlin's ear... and if one were to be looking where Arthur eyes were directed, it was not at the coast, but at Merlin; his eyes slightly hazy.

'It's alright,' Merlin said, unable to recall a time when he had felt happier.

They disembarked – the first time Merlin felt that he had ever _disembarked _– and immediately found a flurry of activity on the quayside as the casual travellers and backpackers began the scramble for the best accommodations.

'So what happens now?' Merlin asked excitedly.

'I'll find us somewhere. You wait in that Café; I'll come and get you.'

'Somewhere with a balcony-'

'Yes, sire.' Arthur winked amusedly.

'And a sea view please. And a desk.'

'I'll see what I can do,' and, sandals slapping, he strolled towards the crowd on the quay.

Merlin shouted after him: 'And don't forget!'

Arthur turned and looked at him, standing on the harbour wall, adjusting his sunglasses and fiddling with his T-shirt. He smiled to himself, letting a warm breeze seize his heart: never had Merlin looked more care-free, he was wearing a low v-neck T-shirt, a deep purple, which Arthur believed made his eyes all the more beautiful blue. He was wearing navy shorts as well, just coming below his knees, with black flip-flops a size too big. The summer sunshine reflected off his skin to make it shine, as if Merlin was glowing, glowing like a star... _No_... Arthur thought: _brighter_ than any star. Arthur realised just how flawless his complexion was also, how he had never seen such untouched skin. An exotic sunlight breeze floated past him, ruffling Merlin's hair into such cute disarray. He smiled to himself, thinking Merlin looked adorable and so, so fair... beyond any and all compare.

'The Rules,' Merlin said.

'What about them?'

'We need _two _rooms. Yes?'

'Absolutely. Two Rooms.'

Arthur smiled and headed off into the crowd. Merlin watched him go, then dragged the two backpacks along the quay to a small, wind-blown Café. There he reached into his bag and pulled put a pen and notebook, an expensive, cloth-bound affair (another gift from Arthur) which was to be his journal for the trip.

He opened it on the first blank page and tried to think of something he could write, some insight or observation other than that everything was fine. Everything was fine, and Merlin had the rare, new sensation of being exactly where he wanted to be.

...

Arthur and the landlady stood in the middle of the bare room: pale-blue washed walls, almost white, and cool stone floor, bare save for an immense iron-framed double bed, a small writing desk and chair and some dried flowers in a jar. He walked through louvered double-doors onto a large balcony painted to match the colour of the sky, overlooking the bay below. It was like walking out onto some fantastic stage.

'You are how many?' asked the landlady, mid-thirties, quite attractive.

'Two of us.'

'And for how long?'

'Not sure, five nights, maybe more.'

The landlady looked closely at Arthur, noticing his distant look, as if contemplating something, something of great important, she thought, judging by the slight frown and his delay in replying, as if he was distracted. His white shirt had a very low v-neck, nice buttons, with beige shorts to match it, and he reminded her of those romantics thinking of great love songs. She smiled inside, thinking she'd help things along.

'Well here is perfect I think.'

Arthur sat on the double bed, bouncing on it speculatively.

'But my friend and I, we are just, well, just good friends. We need two rooms...' But neither were convinced.

'Oh. Okay. I do have a second room.'

_Merlin's soft, tender, flawless skin..._

'So you do have two rooms?'

'Yes, of course, I have two rooms.'

...

'There's good news and there's bad news.'

'Go on,' said Merlin, closing his notebook.

'Well I've found this fantastic place, sea view, balcony, a bit higher up in the village, quiet if you want to write, there's even a little desk, and it's free for the next five days, longer if we want it.' Arthur sounded hopeful.

'And the bad news?'

'There's only one bed.'

'Ah.'

'Ah...'

'I see.'

'Sorry.'

'Really?' Merlin asked, suspiciously. 'One bedroom on the whole island?'

'It's peak season, Em! I've tried everywhere!' _Stay calm, don't get shrill. Maybe play the guilt card instead. _'But if you want me to carry on looking...' Wearily he made to get up from the chair.

Merlin put his hand on his forearm. 'Single or double bed?'

The lie seemed to be holding. He hated to lie to Merlin, never did... but he needed to make an exception just this once. He sat again. 'Double. A big double though.'

'Well it would have to be pretty massive bed though, wouldn't it? To conform to The Rules.'

'Well,' Arthur shrugged, 'I suppose I prefer to think of them as guidelines.'

Merlin frowned.

'What I mean, Em, is I don't mind if you don't.'

'No, I know _you _don't mind-'

'But if you really don't think you can keep your hands off me-'

'Oh, I can manage, it's you I worry about-'

'Because I'm telling you now, if you lay one finger on me-' They were both grinning.

...

Merlin loved the room. He stood on the balcony and listened to the cicadas, a noise that he had only heard in films before and ha half suspected to be an exotic fiction. He was delighted, too, to see lemons growing in the gardens; actual lemons, in trees; they seemed to be glued on. Keen not to appear provincial, he said none of this out loud, simply saying, 'Fine. We'll take it.' Then, while Arthur made arrangements with the landlady, he slipped into the bathroom.

His face in the mirror seemed strange to him now, bare and exposed. His eyes seemed too deep a blue, his skin too white, and his hair too black, his ears too big. He looked at his lips and noticed that they seemed more plump than usual. He then scanned his entire figure and decided that he was indeed skinny, but in the okay slim way... maybe...

He didn't notice Arthur catch him in the corner of his eye, and the reaction he had on him.

When he got back to the bedroom, Arthur was sitting on the bed, his shirt unbuttoned, muscles glowing. 'Em?' Are you crying?'

'No. But it's still early.'

They headed out in the oppressive lunch-time heat, finding their way towards the long crescent of white sand that stretched for a mile or so from the village, and it was time to unveil the swimming costumes. Merlin had put a lot of thought, perhaps too much, into his swimsuit, settling finally for a plain blue baggy pair of swimming shorts from John Lewis... As he pulled his shirt off and other shorts down, he wondered if Arthur thought he was in some way chickening-out by not wearing something... tighter. Not that he cared, though he did wonder, as his shirt passed over his head, if he had caught Arthur's eye flickering in his direction. Either way, Merlin noticed that Arthur was in a pair of... red Speedos... however with legs, and not too tight... they actually looked casual... thank God!

They sat, Merlin attempting to apply suntan lotion to his legs in a way that wouldn't make his thighs shake with the knowledge... Arthur was wearing not too tight red Speedos however with legs behind him.

'What is that stuff?' Arthur asked.

'Factor thirty.'

'You might as well lie under blanket, Em.'

'I burn, Arty. _Irish_.' As if that was the perfect answer.

'It's like house paint.'

'I'm not used to the sun! Not like you, you globetrotter. You want some?'

'I don't agree with suntan lotion.'

'Arty, you are so _hard._'

Arthur smiled, and continued to watch Merlin from behind his dark glasses, noting the way Merlin's lean muscles rippled through his back, how if he sat at the right angle he could catch a glimpse of Merlin's groin outline. There was something about the gesture too, the tilt of the head and the pulling back as he applied the lotion to his neck, and Arthur felt the pleasant nausea that accompanied desire. Oh God, he thought, eight more days of _this. _Then Arthur realised Merlin couldn't really reach his back...

'Want me to do that for you?' he asked. Offering to apply sun cream was a corny, cheesy old routine, beneath him really, but he was reconsidering rapidly.

'You don't want to burn...'

'Go on then.' Merlin shuffled over and sat between his legs, resting his head forward on his knees. Arthur began to apply the lotion, his face so close Merlin could feel his breath on his neck, while Arthur could feel the heat reflecting off Merlin's skin, unaware it was Merlin's magic. Arthur felt soft, tender skin caress his fingertips and with the added smoothness of the lotion... his eyes glazed over. Both of them were working hard on the impression that this was everyday behaviour and in no way a clear contravention of Rules Two and Four, those prohibiting Flirtation and Physical Modesty.

'Don't want your, um, lower back... getting burnt either.' Arthur said, aware of his fingertips touching the base of Merlin's spine. Their breathes were suddenly fast and Merlin could hear his heart beating in his ears, as if he couldn't hear the waves; his whole body's concentration was on the caress of Arthur's fingers and the effect of the warm ripples from his heart. Arthur felt himself swallow, aware of himself hardening with gentle cascades of pleasure.

A silence followed while both of them thought _oh God, oh God, oh God, oh God. _

As a distraction Merlin placed his hand on Arthur's ankle and yanked it towards him. 'What's this?'

'My tattoo, from Thailand.' Merlin rubbed it with his thumb as if trying to wipe it off. 'It's faded a bit. It's the yin-and-yang.'

'I know.'

'It means the perfect balance of opposites.'

'It means put some socks on.'

Arthur laughed and placed his hands on Merlin's back, his thumbs aligned with the hollows of his shoulder blades. A moment passed and both realised just _how _close the other was.

'There.' Arthur whispered brightly against Merlin's ear. 'That's your undercoat. Now let's swim!'

...

And so the long, hot day crawled on. They swam and slept and read, and as the fiercest heat faded and the beach became more populated a problem became more apparent. Arthur noticed it first.

'Is it just me or-'

'What?'

'Is everyone on this beach completely naked?'

Merlin looked up 'Oh yeah.' He returned to his book. 'Don't _ogle_, Dexter.'

'I'm not ogling, I'm observing.'

Merlin rolled his eyes and turned to face the tree-line, but over the years he had reached a level of familiarity with Arthur where it had become possible to _hear _an idea enter his mind, like a stone thrown into water, his thoughts ripples, and sure enough:

'So what do you think?'

Merlin felt his heart rush for a moment... was Arthur really thinking what he thought he was thinking?

'What?'

'Should we?' And Arthur had a devilish look in his eye, and was somewhat hopeful.

'What?' _Don't say it. Please don't ask._

'Take all our clothes off? Should we do it?' And Merlin wondered if Arthur's proximity was seductive or not.

'No, we should _not _take all our clothes off!'

'Everyone else has!' And Arthur was reminded of his fantasies...

'That's no reason! And what about Rule Four?'

'Not a rule, a guideline.'

'No, I'm pretty sure it was, it is, a rule.'

'So? We can bend it a little, can't we?'

'If you bend it then it's not a rule.'

Sulkily Arthur flopped back down on the sand. 'Just seems a bit rude, that's all.'

'Fine, you go ahead. I'll try to tear my eyes away.'

'No point if it's just me,' And Merlin was unsure if he was meant to be that touched by the slight sentiment that was in Arthur's voice.

Merlin lay his back down once again. 'Arthur, why on earth are you so desperate for me to take my clothes off?'

'I just thought we might be more relaxed, with our clothes off.'

Merlin... was almost speechless. 'Un-believable, just unbelievable – '

'You don't think you'd be more relaxed?'

'NO!'

'Why not?'

'It – It doesn't matter why not! Besides, I don't think your girlfriend would be very pleased.'

'Mithian wouldn't care. She's very open-minded; she knows we're just friends – '

'Well, I'm sorry to disappoint you, Arty – '

'You don't disappoint me – '

'But there's a difference.'

'What difference?'

'Well, Mithian used to be a model for one thing – '

'So? You could be a model.'

Merlin laughed sharply. 'Oh, Arthur, do you really think so?'

'For catalogues or something. You've got a lovely figure.'

'"A lovely figure", God help me – '

'All I'm saying is completely objectively; you're a very attractive man – '

' – who is keeping his clothes on! If you're so desperate to tan your bits, fine, go ahead. Now can we change the subject please?'

Arthur turned and lay down on his front alongside Merlin, head resting on his arms, their elbows touching, and once again Merlin could hear the sound of Arthur's thoughts... maybe it was his magic that was allowing this... Arthur then nudged him with his elbow.

'We could go behind the rocks.'

_Now what the hell was that suggesting?_

'Arthur – '

'And from what I've seen, I'm sure that you have nothing embarrassing to hide, in fact, you should be proud.'

Merlin felt his heart decide to run within his ribs.

'When have you seen – how have you seen – '

'From afar... it wasn't that much, saw your lower back was all, curving, arching as the sunlight filtered through your shirt to make that expanse of skin glow like starlight, your – '

Merlin hit him promptly on the nose with his book.

'Ow!'

'Look, I'm not taking my clothes off alright? Sorry if that annoys you, but it isn't happening, okay? And tell me next time if my top rides up.' Merlin then retrieved his book... and after a short while became to quietly laugh to himself.

'What's funny?' he asked.

'"Skin glow like starlight".' Merlin laughed and looked at Arthur fondly.

'Oh, Arty, you make me laugh sometimes.'

'Do I?'

'Every now and then.'

Gratified, he smiled and closed his eyes. Arthur hadn't forgotten what Merlin looked like and had retained a very vivid mental image of that day. Merlin was helping Arthur train with his fencing, and he imagined Merlin lying on the ground, arms through above his head in a beckoning way; his chest and torso glazed with a light layer of sweat, breaths heavy, and his flawless skin waiting... waiting to be claimed.

He fell asleep with a smile to his lips.

...

In the late afternoon they returned to the room, tired and sticky and tingling from the sun, and there it was again: the bed. They stepped around it and walked out onto the balcony that overlooked the sea, hazy now as the sky shaded from blue into pink of the evening.

'So. Who wants first shower?'

'You go ahead. I'm going to sit out here and read.'

Merlin lay on the faded sun-lounger in the twilight shade, listening to the sound of the running water and trying to concentrate on Austen. He stood suddenly and crossed to the small fridge that they'd filled with water and beer, took a can and noticed that the bathroom door had swung open.

There was no shower curtain, and Merlin could see Arthur standing side on beneath the cold water, eyes closed against the spray, head back, arms raised. Merlin noticed his shoulder blades, the long golden back, and the two hollows at the base of his spine above the small toned bottom. But oh God, he was turning now, and the can of beer slipped through his hand and exploded, fizzing and foaming, propelling itself noisily around the floor. He threw a towel over it as if capturing a wild rodent, then looked up to see Arthur, his platonic friend, naked except for his clothes held loosely in front of him. 'Slipped out of my hand!' Merlin said, stamping the beer foam into the towel and thinking: _eight more days and nights of this and I will self-combust._

Then it was Merlin's turn to shower. He closed the door, washed the beer from his hands then contorted himself as he struggled to undress in the tiny, humid bathroom that still smelt of Arthur's aftershave.

Rule Four required that Arthur go and stand on the balcony while Merlin dried himself and got dressed but after some experimentation he found that if he kept his sunglasses on and turned his head just so, he could see Merlin's reflection in the glass door as he struggled to rub lotion onto the low parabola of his burning back. Arthur watched the wriggle of Merlin's hips as he pulled on his underwear, the concave curve of his back and arch of shoulder blades as he put on his low v-neck, the raised arms making it fall like a curtain.

He joined him on the balcony.

'Maybe we should just stay here,' Arthur said. 'Instead of island-hopping, hang out here for a week, then back to Rhodes then home.'

Merlin smiled. 'Okay. Maybe.'

'Don't think you'd get bored?'

'I don't think so.'

'Happy then?'

'Well my face feels like a grilled tomato, but apart from that – '

'Let me see.'

Closing his eyes Merlin turned towards him and lifted his chin, his hair still wet and messy, dishevelled, with his face shining and scrubbed clean. It was Merlin, but all new. He glowed, and Arthur thought of the words sun-kissed, star-bright, then thought: _kiss him, take hold of his face and kiss him. Just kiss me..._

Merlin opened his eyes suddenly. 'What now?' he said.

'Whatever you want.'

'Game of Scrabble?'

'Isn't that a rule?'

'Okay, how about dinner. Apparently they have this thing called Greek Salad.'

...

The restaurants in the small town were remarkable for being all identical. The air hung smoky with burning lamb, and they sat in a quiet place at the end of the harbour where the crescent of the beach began and drank wine that tasted of pine lemons.

'Christmas trees.' said Arthur.

'Disinfectant.' said Merlin.

Music played from speakers concealed in the plastic vines. They ate stale bread rolls, Arthur having some brunt but tender lamb, Merlin choosing salad soused in acetic acid, all of which tasted just fine. After a while even the wine became delicious, like some interesting mouthwash, and soon Merlin felt ready to break Rule Two. No flirting.

He had never been a proficient flirt. His spasms of kittenish behaviour were graceless and inept, like normal conversation on roller skates. But the combination of the retsina and sun made Merlin feel sentimental and light-headed. He reached for his roller skates.

'I've got an idea.'

'Go on.'

'Well, if we're going to stay here for eight days we're going to run out of things to talk about, right?'

'Not necessarily.'

'But to be on the safe side.' Merlin leant forward, put his hand on Arthur's wrist. 'I think we should tell each other something that the other person doesn't know.'

'What, like a secret?'

'Exactly, a secret, something surprising, one a night every night for the rest of the holiday.'

'Sort of like spin-the-bottle?' Arthur's eyes widened. He considered himself a world-class spin-the-bottle player. 'Okay. You first.'

'No, you first.'

'Why me first?'

'You've got more to choose from.'

And it was true; he had an almost bottomless supply of secrets. He could tell Merlin that he'd watched him getting dressed that night, or that he'd left the bathroom door open on purpose when he showered. He could also tell Merlin that no matter how he tried to distract himself... Merlin always seemed to be the one who held his heart. He could tell Merlin how he adored his smile and would do anything to make it grace the world. He could tell Merlin that he thought Merlin's eyes were brighter than the stars and eclipsed the sun. He could confess everything right now... how maybe, once, or maybe even still, he had thoughts... that he loved Merlin. But 'love' was a strong word and Arthur felt his heart wither in something... fear.

He realised his pulse was racing.

'Well... I think you should go first, it was your idea.'

The waiter arrived with complimentary Greek brandies, the kind of drink that can only be given away. Merlin took a sip and winced then carefully rested his cheek on his hand in a way that he knew suggested a tipsy intimacy. 'A secret. Let me see.' He tapped his chin with his finger. Merlin could tell Arthur that he had watched him in the shower, and liked what he saw. Maybe expand on that and say that 'liked' was an understatement; that seeing Arthur naked had made his knees feel like they'd turned to liquid, that it released butterflies in his heart and that he had found himself numb and light-headed. He could tell Arthur how he disapproved of his going out with every girl that would say 'yes, why not?'... that all he had to do was ask someone closer, ask Merlin... and he'd reply, 'Forever and Always.' He decided that telling Arthur all these things had the dreading potential to shatter everything they had. So, he settled for an alternative way to confess such things without the emotional intensity that would tighten their hearts into an aching; each beat pulsing something a lot like hope.

And Merlin had known what he intended to say for this moment anyway.

He licked his lips and made his eyes sultry along with other tiny readjustments, until he had constructed what he believed to be his best, most attractive face, the one he used in photographs.

'When we first met, like when we were... four. Before we realised we were 'soulmates' as you put it sometimes. I had a bit of a crush on you. Not a bit of a crush, a massive crush actually. For ages. Wrote dopey poems and everything.'

Merlin bit his lip lightly and prayed that what he just said hadn't completely destroyed what they had... He felt his pulse start to quicken and had to beg himself to keep eye contact. When something glazed in Arthur's eyes, he thought that he'd completely and utterly fucked things up. He started to feel his heart pop at each seam slowly...

So, he was most surprised when Arthur replied with:

'Poems? Really?'

_Just Breathe._

'I'm not proud of myself.'

'I see. I see.' Arthur folded his arms, put them on the edge of the table and looked down at him. 'Well, I'm sorry, Em, but that doesn't count.'

_Just Breathe..._

'Why not?'

'Because you said it had to be something I didn't know.'

Arthur was grinning, and Merlin was reminded once more of his almost limitless capacity to disappoint. But then corrected himself, knowing that however infuriating, obnoxious, outrageous and completely stupid Arthur could be, he could never disappoint Merlin.

But maybe he had this time... for it seemed that Arthur had the mindset that 'Merlin's crush' didn't exist and was growing stronger every day, how these feelings hadn't gone away.

'God, you're annoying!' And Merlin slapped the reddest part of Arthur's sunburn with the back of his hand.

'Ow!'

'How did you know?'

'Gwen told me.'

'Nice one, Gwen.'

'So what happened?' And Arthur looked hopeful once more, something in his eyes, the movement of his lips, the tone of his voice.

Merlin realised that he had the power here... that with one word like, 'Nothing.' Or one phrase like, 'I still feel that way.' could change everything for them and set Arthur's thoughts right.

However Merlin was hesitate and really didn't know anymore, didn't know if he would be taken seriously or if Arthur would walk out the restaurant without a backward glance.

He looked into the bottom of his glass. 'I suppose it was something you get over in time. Like shingles.'

'No, really, what happened?'

'I got to know you. You cured me of you.'

'Well, I want to read these poems. What rhymes with "Arthur"?'

'"Bastard". It's a half-rhyme.'

'Seriously, what happened to them?'

'They've been destroyed. I built a bonfire, years ago.' Feeling foolish and let down, Merlin drank once more from the empty glass. 'Too much brandy. We should go.' He began to look distractedly for the waiter, and Arthur began to feel foolish too. So many things he might have said, so why be smug, glib, ungenerous? Keen to find a way to make amends, he nudged Merlin's hand. 'So shall we go for a walk?'

Merlin hesitated. 'Okay. Let's go for a walk.'

...

They headed out along the bay past the half-built houses of the town as it spread itself along the coast, a new tourist development that they deplored in a conventional way, and while they talked Merlin silently resolved to be more sensible in future. Recklessness, spontaneity didn't really suit him, he couldn't carry it off, the results were never what he hoped for. His confession to Arthur had felt like swinging wildly at a ball, watching it sail high into the air then moments later hearing the sound of breaking glass. For the remainder of their time together he resolved to stay level-headed, sober and remember The Rules. Remember Mithian, beautiful, sweet Mithian, waiting for Arthur back in London. No more inappropriate revelations. In the meantime he would just have to drag the stupid conversation round with him, like toilet paper on the heel of his shoe... like a pebble in his shoe that was starting to hurt.

They had left the town behind now, and Arthur took his hand to support him as they stumbled woozily over the dry dunes, still warm from the day's sun. They walked towards the sea to where the sand was wet and firm and Merlin noticed that Arthur was still holding his hand.

'Where are we going anyway?' he asked, noticing the slur within his voice.

'I'm going for a swim. You coming?'

'You're insane.'

'Come on!'

'I'll drown.'

'You won't. Look, it's beautiful.' The sea was very calm and clear like some wonderful aquarium, jade with a phosphorescent gleam; if you scooped it up it would glow in your hands. Arthur was already pulling his shirt off over his head. 'Come on. It'll sober us up.'

'But I haven't got my swimming cost – ' A realisation dawned.

'Oh, I get it,' he laughed. 'I see what's going on here – '

'What?'

'I've walked right into it haven't I?'

'What?'

'The old skinny-dip routine. Get a guy drunk and look for the nearest body of water – '

'Merlin, you are such a prude. Why are you such an idiot?'

'You go on, I'll wait here.'

'Fine, but you'll regret it.' His back was to Merlin now, taking down his trousers then his underwear.

'Leave your underpants on!' Merlin shouted after him and if he felt his heart start the beat sharply and increasingly quickly, well, he tried to ignore it, watching Arthur's long golden back and perfectly toned buttocks... his huge balls just hanging just visibly between his god-like strong legs as he strode down to the sea. Merlin felt his skin flush and his veins boil with lust and tried to breathe with his heart keeping missing beats, sending coolly heated warmth throughout his body. And he cursed himself for feeling light-headed as all his blood rushed to make his cock flush, grow and throb into full attention, making his pants ever so uncomfortable due to the pressure. Arthur fell forward into the surf and Merlin stood, swaying woozily, feeling solitary and absurd. Wasn't this one of the experiences he craved? Why couldn't he be more spontaneous and reckless? If he was too scared to swim without a costume how could he ever be expected to tell a man that he wanted to kiss him? Before the thought was finished Merlin had reached down, grabbed the edge of his t-shirt and peeled it off in one fluid movement. He stripped himself of his shorts quickly and almost desperately. He removed his underwear, kicking the briefs off his foot high into the air, letting them lie where they fell, and ran, laughing and swearing to himself, albeit trying to will his erection away or pray Arthur didn't see, ran, towards the water's edge.

Standing on tip-toe as far out as he dared to go, Arthur wiped the water from his eyes, looked out to sea and wondered what would happen next. Qualms; he felt the onset of qualms. A Situation loomed, and hadn't he resolved to try and avoid becoming so explicitly attracted to Merlin for a while, to be less reckless and spontaneous? This was Merlin Emrys after all, and Em was precious, his best friend. And what about Mithian? He had tried to fall in love with her, she was sweet and practically everything a guy should want, but the more he tried distracting himself with her... the more his heart seemed to pull him towards Merlin. He heard a garbled shout of exhilaration from the beach and turned just too late to see Merlin stumble naked into the water as if pushed from behind. Honesty and frankness, those would be his watchwords. Merlin splashed towards him with a messy crawl, and Arthur decided to be frank and honest for a change and see where that got him.

Merlin arrived, gasping. Suddenly aware of the sea's translucency, he was struggling to find a way to tread water and cover one's self. 'So this is it then!'

'What?'

'Skinny-dipping!'

'It is. What do you think?'

'It's alright I suppose. Very larky. What am I meant to do now, just goof around or splash you or what?' Merlin cupped his hand, and threw water lightly at Arthur's face. 'Am I doing it right?' Before Arthur could splash him back the current caught Merlin and pulled him towards Arthur, who stood with his feet braced against the seabed securely. Arthur caught him, their legs interlacing like clasped fingers, bodies touching then held apart again, like dancers. However, both seemed to, in that split second, feel the other's erection...

'That's a very soulful face,' Merlin said, to break the silence. 'Hey, you're not taking a piss are you?'

'No – '

'So?'

'So anyway what I meant to say was sorry. For what I said – '

'When?'

'Back in the restaurant, for being a bit glib or whatever.'

'It's alright. I'm used to it – ' Arthur took his chance. It was now or never and his heart was so frightened of the latter. Here he goes:

'And also to say I thought the same thing too. At the time. What I mean is I liked you too, "romantically", I mean. I mean I didn't write poems or anything, but I thought about you, think about you, you and me. Arty and Em. Em and Arty... still.'

'Really?' And Merlin's heart was caught off guard for this. Did Arthur just confess some sort of love for him? Did... did his Arthur, his Arty, just say that he thought, thinks, about them?

Merlin wasn't sure what to say, caught between running away, throwing himself at Arthur for a hug or to cry. He feared he'd do something similar to them all. He just hoped... he just hoped that, if his _bloody _light-headed state didn't ruin things, his racing heart pulsing warm chills through his nervous system didn't make him break down into pining thoughts... he hoped that Arthur wouldn't let him go. He didn't know what to think, he was unprepared for this, and Arthur's very serious, star filled eyes were making him breathless.

'Really? Oh. Really? Right. Oh. Right.' _It's going to happen after all, _he thought, _right here and now, standing naked in the Aegean Sea._

'My problem is – ' and Arthur sighed and smiled with one side of his mouth. 'Well I suppose I fancy pretty much _everybody_!'

Broken Glass...

'I see,' was all Merlin could say.

' – anyone really, just walking down the street, it's like you said, everyone's my type. It's a nightmare!' What was he doing! Arthur felt like he was outside his body, watching himself be a complete and utter insecure prat who couldn't even tell Merlin that all he wanted was to kiss him.

'Poor you,' Merlin said flatly.

Arthur could see the light leave his eyes, and he panicked. That's wasn't true at all. The only person he wanted, has ever truly wanted to be with, to properly be with, as in holding hands in parks and kissing at the back of cinemas, buying sweet gifts, waking up in a tangle of limbs, smiling tenderly at each other, kissing deeply with such emotion and making love into the dead of night with a wedding ring caressing his forth finger on his left hand... is Merlin.

'I mean, I think I'm not ready to be... you know. Boyfriend Boyfriend. I think we'd want different things right now.'

'Because... you have an appetite.'

'I'm being serious, Em. And that wasn't – '

'Are you? Really? I can never tell anymore.'

'Are you angry with me Em?'

'What?'

Silence.

'No! I told you, it was a long time ago – ' _I still love you _' – a stupid silly little crush, nothing major. It was – '

'However!' Under the water, Arthur's hands found his waist, his hands seeming to wrap perfectly around Merlin's hipbones, bringing him closer but not touching. He held on.

'However, if you wanted to ... experiment.'

'Experiment?'

'Break the Rules – '

'Play Scrabble?'

'You know what I mean. A little light-hearted let's-see-what-happens. Just while we're away. No strings attached, no obligations, not a word to anyone. Our little secret. Because I'm up for it. That's all.' And Arthur thought to himself remorsefully that he wasn't worthy of his testicles anymore; that he was a _fucking_ coward.

Merlin made a noise in his throat somewhere between laughter and a growl. _Up for it. _He was grinning shyly like a salesman offering great deals on finance. _Our little secret, _to add to all the others presumably. There was only one thing he could do, and oblivious to his own nakedness he bounced up out of the water and with all his weight pushed Arthur's head under the water and held it there. He began a slow count. One, two, three –

_You arrogant, self-satisfied little – _

Four, five, six –

_And you stupid, stupid boy, stupid for caring, stupid for thinking that he cared – _

Seven, eight, nine –

_He's flailing now, better let him up I suppose, and make a joke, make a joke of it – _

Ten, and Merlin took his hands from the top of his head and let Arthur bounce up. He was laughing, shaking the water from his hair and eyes and Merlin laughed too, a rigid ha ha ha.

'I take it that's a no then,' he said eventually, pinching the sea-water from his nose.

'I think so. I think our moment passed some time ago, if at all.'

'Oh. Really. Are you sure? Because I think that we'd be happier if we stopped being silly.'

'Being silly?'

'You know what I mean. Em. And if it doesn't work then we'll always then just feel closer. As friends. And we can work with that. It doesn't have to get serious if that's what you don't want. It can be completely casual even. A fling. A nice fling for the holiday.'

'You're worried that _not _sleeping together could spoil our friendship?'

'I'm not expressing myself very well – '

'Arthur, I understand you perfectly, that's the problem – '

'If you're scared of what people will say – '

'_Me?_ That's rich coming from you! I'm not scared of _people_. I'm just not going to _do it_ so that we can say that we've _done it._ And I'm not going to _do it_ if the first thing you say afterwards is "please don't tell anyone" or "let's forget it ever happened". If you have to keep something secret it's because you shouldn't be doing it in the first place! So if that's how you feel, just _shut up _Arthur! For once in your life just shut up!'

Arthur went to say something but he was peering past Merlin now, eyes narrowed, towards the beach, and Merlin turned towards the shore just in time to see a small, slim figure hurting at great speed along the sand, carrying something over his head in triumph like a captured flag: a shirt, a pair of shorts.

'OIIIIIIIIII!' shouted Arthur, barrelling towards the shore now, yelling through mouthfuls of water, then taking startling high-kneed strides up the beach, pounding after the thief who had stolen all his clothes.

By the time Arthur made it back to Merlin, breathless and fuming, he was sitting on the beach fully dressed in a combination of Primark and H&M and sober once again.

'Any sign of them?' And Merlin turned his head for modesty sack.

'Nope! Gone!' he said tragically. 'Just completely fucked off and gone' and it took a light breeze to remind Arthur that he was still naked, and he angrily cupped one hand between his legs, but fumed in rage as that wasn't enough, needing two hands to cover everything, but he thought he looked like a right prat now.

'Did they take your wallet?' Merlin asked, his face fixed in an earnest rictus, although Arthur couldn't see, Merlin's head was still turned.

'No, just some cash, I don't know, ten, fifteen quids worth, little bastard.'

'Well I suppose that's just one of the perils of skinny-dipping,' Merlin mumbled, the corners of his mouth twitching.

'It's the shirt that winds me up. It was Helmut Lang! The underpants were Calvin Klein. Thirty bloody quid a go, those underpants. What's up with you? It's not funny Em! I've been robbed!' Merlin's shoulders were going.

'I know, I'm sorry – It's just you... so angry, and... no clothes...'

'Pack it in Em!'

When Merlin could control himself, they spent a while walking up the beach in silence, Arthur suddenly very cold and coy, Merlin walking discreetly ahead, looking at the sand and thinking that events had not gone as planned. 'What kind of little bastard steals someone's underpants?' muttered Arthur. 'Know how I'm going to find the little sod? I'm going to look for the only well-dressed bastard on the whole bloody island!'

When the search proved fruitless, they beachcombed for emergency clothing. Merlin found a heavy-duty sack in blue plastic. Arthur held it daintily round his waist like a mini skirt and Merlin really did try not to laugh.

The route home took them along the harbour front. 'It's a lot busier than I expected,' said Merlin. Arthur adjusted his face into an expression of larky self-deprecation and marched on past the pavement taverna, eyes fixed forward, ignoring the wolf-whistles. They headed into the town, and coming up a narrow alley they suddenly found themselves facing the couple from the ferry, red-faced with booze and sun, clinging to each other drunkenly as they tottered down the steps towards the harbour. They stared, bemused, at Arthur's blue sack mini-skirt.

'Someone stole my clothes.' He explained curtly.

The couple nodded sympathetically and squeezed past them, the girl pausing to turn and shout after them –

'Nice sack.'

'It's Calvin Klein.' said Merlin and Arthur narrowed his eyes at his amusement.

The sulk lasted all the long way home and by the time they were back in the room, the fact of the shared bed had somehow lost its significance. Merlin went into the bathroom to change into an old grey t-shirt with a fresh pair of underpants. When he came out, the blue plastic coal-sack lay on the floor at the foot of the bed. 'You should hang this up,' he said, nudging the sack with his toe. 'It'll get creased.'

'Ha,' he said, lying on the bed, in new underwear, no shirt, and Merlin wasn't surprised by the bubble in his heart and stomach, however thinking now was not the time for dreaming or damned flirting that seemed to always be shoved down his throat with a slip of arsenic.

'So is that them?'

'What?'

'The famous thirty-quid underpants. What are they, lined with ermine?'

'Let's just go to sleep, shall we? So – which side?'

'This one.'

They lay on their backs in parallel, Merlin relishing the sensation of the cold white sheets against tender skin.

'Nice day,' he said.

'Til that last bit,' Arthur mumbled.

Merlin turned to look at him, his face in profile, staring petulantly at the ceiling, and Merlin thought that even when sulking and pouting... Arthur still managed to look beautifully handsome. He nudged Arthur foot with his own. 'It's only shorts and a pair of pants. I'll buy you some nice new ones. Three-pack of cotton briefs.' Arthur sniffed and Merlin took his hand beneath the sheet, squeezed it hard until he turned his head to look at him. 'Seriously, Arty,' he smiled. 'I'm really pleased to be here. I'm having a really nice time.'

'Yeah. Me too,' he mumbled.

'Eight more days,' Merlin said.

'Eight more days.'

'Think you can hack it?'

'Who knows?' Arthur smiled affectionately and, for better or for worse, everything was just as it had been before. 'So how many Rules did we break tonight?'

Merlin thought for a moment. 'One, Two and Four.'

'Well at least we didn't play Scrabble.'

'There's always tomorrow.' Merlin reached above his head, turned the light off, then lay on his side, with his back to Arthur.

**Hope it was alright. Let me know what you think. This story is in kind of parts. Part One and Part Two... That's my only clue for you :) **


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